Reviews for Ain't Nothin' But A Number

Reviews For: Ain't Nothin' But A Number - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

dragonflydreamer 2008-08-16 ch 7,	abuseYou did well with the characters, particularly Chase and Michelle. Their personalities were very evident despite the few words, especially in the dialogue. The beginning wasn't too strong. It was a little choppy. Try to add some more description around dialogue. ~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer 2008-07-19 ch 5,	abuseReviewing for the Review Marathon! (link in profile) + Nice intereaction between the two of them. It gives a lot of information about their past relationship, and does a good job setting up for the next chapter. Good job slipping in the thing about the bookshelf, too. - I think I mentioned this in another review, but I'm not too fond of the all-flashback chapter. I feel that writing should always speak for itself, so if you have to mention at the beginning that it's all a flashback, then I feel that the writing isn't doing it's full job.
dragonflydreamer 2008-07-19 ch 3,	abuse+ I like Chase. He's an interesting character and adds some comic relief to the story. - "she gave herself over to a flashback of the night before" I didn't like this. It felt unnatural that she would succumb to a flashback. It seems like the type of thing that would happen in a movie, not reality, which I get the feeling is what you're going for. Maybe something more like "she thought back to the night before."
dragonflydreamer 2008-07-19 ch 2,	abuse+ I liked the dialogue between them. It reflected both their past and present relationships and was a good transition between the two. - I'm confused about the time in between the two chapters. Is this the first time she's run into him in a while? Otherwise, the whole sudden-realization-of-his-cuteness thing makes little sense. Yet it also makes little sense that they wouldn't see each other very often.
dragonflydreamer 2008-07-19 ch 1,	abuseReviewing for the Review Marathon! (link in profile) I'm just going to keep my reviews to a + and a -, 'kay? + I like how you gave some insight into their past relationship. It contributes a lot of insight into the story and their relationship later on. - This chapter could be misleading. It is very different from the rest of the chapters and new readers could think that it will all be like this.
dragonflydreamer 2008-06-22 ch 6,	abuseReview game! Wow, your story is addicting. I intended to read the first chapter and then skip to a later one, but I just kept reading. I figured I should take a break to review. You've developed your characters very well so far. They each have a very distinct personality. This helps keep your story interesting, plus steers it away from the chliches that you're trying to avoid. I didn't get a very clear idea of Morgan's personality in this chapter, but I'm sure you do a great job of establishing it in the next few chapters. The shifts in time felt choppy at times. You just stuck a large chunk of flashbacks in the middle of a chapter. The entirely flashback chater felt pretty strange, too. There's some good content in them, and they definately add a lot to the story, but they could use some smoothing out. I really love how this is coming so far. Keep up the good work!
Stahlut 2008-06-17 ch 7,	abusereally great chapter, can't wait to read more. I'd write a better review but I'm to tired lol.
Abigail Night 2008-06-17 ch 1,	abusegreat
JadeDream 2008-06-16 ch 7,	abuseone thing im confused about...you said somewhere that they were seperated for 4 years...was that all three of them or were chase and lydia together and michelle away? update soon!
Kohlomere 2008-06-16 ch 7,	abuseGood ol' Chase. Don't let that Morgan get anywhere near Lyds! I can't wait to get Milo's reaction. Great work, E.
thazyel 2008-06-15 ch 7, anon.	abuseWhy do you always call Chase the "Asian boy"? If he's Korean, call him the "Korean boy". Or would you call Milo the "European boy"?!?!?!
Far.abi 2008-06-15 ch 7,	abusethe chapter is good but i always have a hard time picturing the characters as individuals according to a picture in my head. there's usually just a lot of names and i have to remind myself who's who.
Kohlomere 2008-06-10 ch 6,	abuseI'm biased when it comes to Morgan probably because I'm rooting for Milo. He seems a little greasy, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I love this story, you have to update soon! Great work, E.
Far.abi 2008-06-09 ch 6,	abusegreat chapters! i'm glad you're back!
Stahlut 2008-06-09 ch 6,	abuseI like this story I really do, and if you update again, I'll get back to you. sorry couldn't resist the rhyme its lame but random. anyway great story I loved it, and its good to see something unique on old cliche'

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