the great thing is that you don't sound like william shatner or anybody else, you do sound just like brilliant old you, and if that suggests of someone, it just enhances the appeal

When you form a line in poetry, You have a natural pause at the end of each line. These pauses don't make sense. Its an excelent poem, but you sound like wiliam shatner on cafine pills.

Give a little thought to your structure, continue, i like this

This elicites a wonderfully detached feeling. The speaker seems to be floating along, and watching the rest of the action. Well done.

I really like the last stanza; this is a wonderful portrayal of being lost. Great work and cleverly written lines.

sweet poem