Reviews for predatory smile - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: predatory smile

Renss 2006-05-18 ch 1,	I don't think I have anything particularly new to add to this. What "Orbit" and "solideogloria" had to say about the unflattering portrayal of him and the second stanza I agree with. I mean 'unflattering' in the strictest sense--what I like is that it doesn't seek to glorify or deride him; it just describes him. Also, you did an amazing thing with the very last line. You have taken what can be a tired old phrase and, through context, given it real meaning, so the for the first time reading "He played as if he meant it" actually meant something to me. (phew) Ironically, I thought the weakest part of the poem was that "he carved music with the blade of a polished violin." The rest of the poem makes its metaphors so deftly that it feels like this line was trying too hard. But it's still good. I think this is a great poem.
Orbit 2006-04-09 ch 1,	you really like violins :) i am the queen of pet peeves and "like" is one of them. maybe it's due to the non contextual use of them in our american tongue. "of a shark?" the first stanza goes laugh, trust, and smile; maybe you could make the "trust" something physical as well? "remnants" would be a harder word if that's an image you're looking for; ooh! the first stanza has 3 things: laugh, trust, and smile; and the end has three things: sigh, sway, and coax. maybe link them? i only mention these things because it helps me sometimes figure out something i subconciously thought but hadn't realized. the second stanza is magnificent. the languages does exactly what it's saying - especially the rhythm of the it. the "lurched" and "hurled" really shoot it forward - you feel like you're hungry in a hotel room. and i love the last line.
lackluster 2006-03-31 ch 1,	maybe it was the last thing i read, but this didn't flow so well in my head. something about it was off. i like the idea, it's certainly unique.
hoowdoideletethisaccount 2006-03-30 ch 1,	I like this, Beti, although it's kinda darkish. I really like how it starts off with such unflattering images of him though (although very well-written, unflattering images ;)), and then moves to a point where you actually have a glimpse of his soul. It's like-- if you look hard enough, you find something good in everyone, something beautiful and yearning to just be understood. -But in the throes of inspiration / I saw him differently- ...my favourite lines.
simpleplan13 2006-03-30 ch 1,	I love the whole predator thing.. very creepy and cool
Moondog Dozier 2006-03-28 ch 1,	Once again, wonderful form, as the structure really creates the pauses and emphasis. Just a lovely overall work.
Sarah-Brighteyes 2006-03-25 ch 1,	O very nice. I love this. A description of a moody musician... and the one who sees why he is the way he is. Or at least that is what I percieved. I love the way you use imagery that isnt full of cliches. Makes me smile because I see so much of the same old same old lately. Maybe that is why I havent posted anything lately. I feel why post if I only fall into the gap of overused and mis-used cliches. Blah... Wonderful piece though. fabulous as always dear Beti. Bravo.
Gilee7 2006-03-23 ch 1,	[He had pupils like a shark / and a laugh made for deconstruction, / the trust of the oblivious / and a predatory smile.] I love this whole first stanza (you're going to see that word "love" a lot, probably). That first line is awesome; great similie. I especially like the way each line fits so perfectly together, the way they're all related. I mean, that seems like a necessity; it's kinda like, duh; but it seems a lot of people just think of random imagery and figurative language that sounds good so they throw it in there and it all kinda jars. But this all fits. These are all pieces to one particular puzzle: "Pupils like a shark," "laugh made for deconstruction," "predatory smile," and even "trust of the oblivious," which gives me the image of an ocean. I just love it all. [It was only last night that he / lurched / in search of happiness and / hurled / the remains of it / across a / hotel carpet- / by now, / he was hungry.] My favorite stanza, probably. I find it beautiful and digusting at the same time. It's kinda gross because of the image of him vomitting, which I don't believe he ACTUALLY did; just like he's not an ACTUAL shark. It's just like an extended metaphor or something. But it's really cool. "Lurched" and "hurled" are great words; I love the motion that they bring. And the two simple lines to end the stanza "by now, he was hungry." Ah, just perfect. Amazingness. [he carved music with the blade of a polished violin, / sighed / and swayed / and coaxed me along-] Very rhythmic and music-like, the way the words appear on the page, the motion of the violin playing, that gentle sway. Very beautiful. [He played as if he meant it.] And great ending. Another fantabulous piece!
hlywdgrly210 2006-03-20 ch 1,	"he carved music with the blade of a polished violin"...amazing
Athena's girl 2006-03-20 ch 1,	Oh my gosh... It's so pretty, you don't use as many words as I'd think to convey what you do. Wonderful, wonderful...And I like how you ended it, kinda like a question/hurt.
hey maria 2006-03-19 ch 1,	"he carved music with the blade of a polished violin" Gorgeous imagery right there. Maybe because I have this thing for violins, but I really love that line.

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