Interesting...you don't see many stories on romance other than boy-girl, so it's good that you took a step forward and branched out. The beginning was a bit unsteady, the third line especially, but it smoothed out once it got into the story.

Keep writing.

hey this was great you know for your poetry you should check out its a great site well let me know if you sign up so I can check out your work its a much better poetry site then here

hey.. is this based on something real, or something that you want to happen? I saw your username, and the name of the character, and, well, they're the same.

duh.

haha:)) really good story; I felt the emotions here. Keep it up.

Marvelous job my dear!

Although, nine lines from the bottom, you used "u" instead of "you"-Meg