FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| steev 2006-05-24 ch 1,   | Your prose is much better than your poetry (full-blown decent!). I could read it in complete- a feat for most prose one finds on the internet. The dialogue is good, & the most striking thing. Some of the contemplations (what makes us tick) are boring, having been done far too much before. You could argue that it's something teens do cheaply philosophize about, but there are more interesting things to spend time on. |
| Andor 2006-03-24 ch 1, | Once again, "Mountain of Needles" shows his great eye for detail as well as a fantastic sense of portraying the everyday in a way that both interests and invites the reader's empathy. Props for the great philosophical statement beginning with "He listened and became aware of the physical mechanisms which kept him alive." The only criticism I can offer is that perhaps the ending occurs a little too soon. But otherwise, a good piece that will become much richer in subsequent edits. |