Reviews for you called - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: you called

criti-sized 2006-05-24 ch 1,	This was very nice vaguely descriptive enough to give the reader a slight way to imagine the situation in which you poem refers to.
I Like Pancakes 2006-04-13 ch 1,	Too lazt to log in... xD I like this poem, it's very interesting... I could see the whole scene very clearly... amazing... As for the 'liez' thing, my friend came up with the word and I use it all the time now instead of 'lies' and thought it would give the poem a sense of drama. Hope that answers your question! =D Awesome poem!
Orbit 2006-04-09 ch 1,	aw... and damn it betina. at least one review on everything you've written! you write a lot! damn you! also it won't let me review twice. i also say also alot... anywho, i feel like there can be more of an image with "resting the receive after your 'goodbye.'" i can see you sitting there with a phone in your hand, and i kind of want to see if what i have in my head is the same as what you have in your head. "reach" is one of those words i don't like in english. i like "stretch." cause i feel like the cobblestone streets have arms. i was originally going to comment on the "losing my friends in old san juan," but then i realized, that was right. it was really simple and straight to the point. just thought i'd share. maybe you could build the image of san juan more? cause i've seen it in pictures, but some people haven't; there's a kind of pulse to the color of anabel and lindsey's photographs at least that makes the end more vivid. or if you want to keep the poem as clean cut as possible, that would work too. i feel like i would be confused on top of lost - confused that "the city still sparkled without you." something to think about? or maybe you weren't all. i'm easily confused. there's something gatsbian about "vibrant buildings guarded cobblestone alleys." i love it. there's something gatsbian about all of this, and it's really lovely.
Aneliz Rei 2006-04-07 ch 1,	This reminds me very much of Kooser's "After Years". Intensely romantic, but told from a distance -- which only serves to make the poem more beautiful. Kudos. ~e
lackluster 2006-03-31 ch 1,	"tourist's skirt swirling around trembling knees" you tie into the poem's 'storyline' such gorgeous imagery. beautiful.
hoowdoideletethisaccount 2006-03-30 ch 1,	I really, really, really love this one. I totally relate to the feeling of being alone in a beautiful place in a crowd full of people, just because a particular person isn't there. And isn't it strange how we don't realize how much we miss someone, until we hear their voice again-- and then it's like we're suffocating. Agh. And the line about her "trembling knees"-- gotta love it! I adore that image of her sadness, her fragility.
simpleplan13 2006-03-30 ch 1,	aw the ending is so sad... beuatiful descriptions though
Moondog Dozier 2006-03-28 ch 1,	Very vivid and introspective. Well written, the pace of this was excellent with the line breaks.
the naked civil servant 2006-03-28 ch 1,	oh jesus that's beautiful. you are an artist of colours & light - it's as if i'm staring into a mirror but the reflection's so harsh hardtogetdown. GORGEOUS, on my FAVourites LIST you GO
Sarah-Brighteyes 2006-03-25 ch 1,	Beti I love your poetry because it always makes me think of something in my past... a memory or a glimpse of a scene or something. This one in particular reminded me of a friend of mine rfom coasta rico that I havent seen in two years and yet I miss terribly. I think I should call him. The vivid exoticness of being alone in a far away place reminds me of when we get rid of familiar friends and try to get them back after an absence. I loved this piece. You have a talent. Keep it up Dear Beti!
Gilee7 2006-03-23 ch 1,	[you called, / and resting the receiver / after your 'goodbye'] I find that second line very interesting. It doesn't sound like she hung up the phone or put it back on the receiver; she just ... laid it down, "rested" it. As if she wanted to hang on to that call and that voice on the other end just a little bit longer, even though they've already hung up. [vibrant buildings guarded cobblestone alleys / that reached out toward a gemstone sea... / and I, tourist's skirt swirling around trembling knees] Great descriptive writing. And I love how vulnerable the girl seems with her "trembling knees." I don't know whether to take that action as a sign of fear, a sign that she's cold, a sign that she's nervous, or what. [was somehow alone- / somehow lost / in a city that still sparkled / without you.] Aw, lost littly puppy emotions. Nice ending. Kinda familiar it seems to a few of your other pieces. So you went to Puerto Rico? How cool. I've never been out of the States. I can definitely see the inspiration in this poem; I can even imagine you writing it in your head as you were there. Good poem. And welcome home.
hlywdgrly210 2006-03-20 ch 1,	um...wow. i like, "and I, tourist's skir swirling around trembling knees," and especially the first line--"you called"
cornered.sensations 2006-03-20 ch 1,	wow, I loved this piece, just lovely descriptions. Great work, continue writing
chaos called creation 2006-03-20 ch 1,	The image is crystal clear. wow

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