'Coagulated' - I don't know, that verb seemed kinda... Outta place. I'm just pointing that out if it wasn't your intention. But I loved - LOVED - 'there's a gaping hole in my chest where your body should be'. What a great notion! It's lovely. I didn't like the 'ache seeping' part, though. Can an ache seep? I know it can't literally, but even metaphorically, for me... It doesn't quite mesh. Sorry!

- Clap Trap, from Review Marathon (link in profile)

Loved the way you really painted a picture in that description. I could imagine it all, I could caught up in it all - a silver moonlit ocean, the sounds of the surf and pattering rain! It was beautiful. All I'd say is... 'hundred of rose petals' IMMEDIATELY made me think of that scene out of American Beauty, and then I couldn't get Kevin Spacey's head out of my mind. Not saying you change it... I'm just complaining. I loved the imagery of this poem.

Wow.

LOVED the imagery of 'it's a streak of tire on asphalt'. It was just superb. Well done. And also 'the stench of burnt rubber'! I loved the imagery and the last line, the 'kicker', but I think there's an error in it (or maybe I'm not getting it).

Shouldn't it be:

as THEY watch us disappear?

Again, I think the over-formating hurt rather than helped your poem. I don't think the brackets were needed - although, actually, they DID help around silence - it gave it a more iscolated feel. So I'd get rid of the over-formatting, except around silence, if I were you! But then, I'm not. I really liked the reference to Shakespeare - I thought it gave it a lovely twist - and calling it 'double suicide' made it sound so 'law and order' if you know what I mean! It was great!

Interesting

:-)