FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| chrisertastic 2007-06-09 ch 1,   | That is twisted and..wow |
| Lirael1 2006-05-20 ch 1, | Ouch. That's about all I can say. And I mean it in a good way. |
| hoowdoideletethisaccount 2006-04-03 ch 1, | -On hand gingerly let go of the chilled bar- *One Wow, what a sad, awful story. Human beings can so, so abuse one another. Why do we turn a blind eye on such suffering? Why do we in these rich, contended countries of North America ignore the abject poverty of other countries, where people starve until they will sell their children and their souls? Very sad, indeed. Very thought-provoking. You managed to write this in a very brief and succinct manner, giving us only yhe information that was absolutely necessary, while still conveying the power of the subject. Good job!! |
| Revinita 2006-04-02 ch 1, | Oh, this is so sad. And the saddest part is that it's probably vrey true. Amazingly captured and heartwrenchingly written. |
| CatNap 2006-04-02 ch 1, | ... Hm... I'm thinking "powerful" but also...Hn? Which man was the girl referring to? The one who had the cash before or after? |
| Unready 2006-03-31 ch 1, | disgusting topic, good execution. |
| Jason J. Ross 2006-03-26 ch 1, | I'm glad that you are using your talents to bring attention to this subject. Well done. |
| Rath Roiben Rye 2006-03-25 ch 1, | That's so sad. I almost cried. I think that the lengths people go to to make a quick buck are sometimes cruel and ridiculous. Especially when this kind of thing is involved. |
| St. Mock the Turtle 2006-03-25 ch 1, | Wow. Reading this makes me feel like I've been stabbed. It's so simple and I think that's where the power comes from. Um, you said you wanted people to be critical, but I can't think of anything negative to say. I guess gramatically I'm wondering if there needs to be a comma after "frozen" and if it wouldn't flow better to insert a semicolon after "men" instead of starting a new sentence. Oh, and "The world's newest sex-slave" is a fragment, but it looks really good isolated from the sentence above. Maybe if you put a colon after beaten? I don't know.Again I think this is amazing. This story accomplished in so few words the tragedy that documentaries and news stories seem to loose in thier jumbles of dates and events. I just thought I'd offer those suggestions since you asked. |
| mac1012 2006-03-23 ch 1, | Nice one.. Though the thought of the story is somewhat sad along the lines when they were to pay for the child.. I like this.. and especially the last line.. Brilliant - that's one word I can say.. ;D Keep it up! |
| Chemically Induced 2006-03-23 ch 1, | well this is gnarly. the bargaining puts such a cold, heartless feeling into the story. masterful ending line. hits you like a kick in the nuts. ;P love, c.induced. |
| Aquafied 2006-03-22 ch 1, | so very wrong and sick.this world, and it happens. it does sorrowly captured.well done. |
| a lonely september 2006-03-22 ch 1, | so ** sad but so sweet. maybe i got it wrong, but either way, it's so amazingly written. |
| ChasingPerfection 2006-03-21 ch 1, | It should read "One hand gingerly..." not "On hand gingerly...". Other than that...I like the final "Daddy" a lot, really drives the point home much much more than the rest of the story could have hoped to without it. (heh, with sentences like that one I shouldn't be allowed to write...) anyway I also like how you catagorized it under "horror", that also affects my understanding of it. |
| Loup17 2006-03-21 ch 1, | sigh... the slave trade... one of the most pristine examples of the absolute corruptness sometimes conjured from the bowels of human society... JA~ |