Reviews for Part of Me - FictionPress.com

RodeoGirl
2008-07-09
ch 1,

This is a good writing, but I don't think that it's fit for a poem. I mean the words are nice and sound good and all, but they don't sound like a poem. Maybe you could change it into an essay or something. Or you could maybe work on where you end the line. I'll give you an example here is are 3 of your lines that I don't think flow.

I should be out

there, starting

my life again.

Here is what I would make it using almost the same words.

The world is calling,

I should be out there,

Starting my life again.

To me this sounds better. But that's just me. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I am just trying to help, really! Maybe if you go through every three lines or so and make some improvements. I guess what I'm trying to say is your poem is just sentences. Maybe you should jazz it out a bit.

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