This was an interesting piece in the light hearted manner you write Rael and those around him. Your writing style lends well to this and you do a fair amount of descripiton that helps things along.

I have problems with two things. One is that three years would not seem like sucha long time to a demon. Time seems shorter the older you get. I would make it a few more years if you want to keep the initial witch. She seems to have an attitude of a grandmother. Maybe make it 50 years.

The other thing I have the problem with is the beginning. The bit about the demon's boredom is cool, but the interaction with the ghosts, although fun, seems unnecessary, especially since you make note of it later.

Otherwise, it was a good read . . . on and I can think of faeries in the housekeeping business . . . that was amusing for me because that is some part of what I am writing.

Great story! I like how Malik's character develops so drastically from his first impression as a freaky, paranoid, and mysteriously anti-social guy. Continue the good work!

Ah how the plot thickens! The meeting between Raziel, Teluriel and Rael is going to be interesting. Question: On the matter of Angel Rael's wanting to meet Teluriel. If no one remembers who Rael is how would that happen? Would Teluriel not remeber having Angel Rael as a student? Since both Demon Rael and Angel Rael remember being his student? Just wondering! Plz update soon!

Setion,
This story is great! I absolutly love it! I can't wait until demon and angel Rael meet. Plz update soon!

I do look forward to see where you'll take this story! I read that you are working on the early chapters, and I can't wait to see what you did.
This story kept me up till late one night and I find the idea very interesting

Keep working on it!

"compassion was a reflex", interesting. "He thought back to the old days, what he could remember of them." that's a little clumsy. The converstion with Lucifer is creepy in its innocence, expecially the first two paragraphs. A couple small typoes appear. Describe Matt's fighting exercises as well as his thoughts in the seconf paragraph after the first break? Stupid Matt...how old are these kids? Sorry, I might have missed that. lol, pretty good end and continously interesting story.

i realy like this story it kinda has the plot line of a kid that could save the world in a lesser tone and in anothers view keep wrighting!

Nice quest-inducing plot. Matt's so naive!! Rael seems so trustworthy even to the reader. But his rescue by the kids was planned?! It seemed so unlikely and you never mentioned he was waiting for something...lol, "Ray". "praying that he wouldn't find his head flying across the room" isn't a very accurate sentance. I mean no one would feel it...that jogged me a little. I like the sequence between "Never mind the damned decor" and "how many?" Your prose is very good.

Fascinating world! Some amusing sentances, especially the one about male dominance. The fight scenes are very smart and the children characterized well also, as long as you mean Matt to come off as a complete n00b demonhunter for setting Rael free in the first place. This reminds me a bit of the Bartimaous trilogy, if you've read them, but in Christian context, which is nice seeing as you seem willing to keep to those rules as fantasy writers are to theirs. Very good prose with almost no problems. I shall read more in the future!

Continue writing. It's a great story. There's a nice plot and characterization. Very interesting narration and there was no way i could get bored of your story. =) waiting for more.

interesting...

:) CD

Wow! Interesting plot. There have been many stories of fallen angels turning into demons, but vice versa is ... quite unheard of - to me that is. And I find it quite refreshing!

In addition, your narration is excellent. You write like a pro! So I was quite surprised when I found out that this is just your first story, because I expected that you would have several stories under your belt.

However, just some feedback - you do have sufficient details to paint a vivid image in the reader's mind, but sometimes you might want to glaze over the less important bits in order to avoid boring your reader. One example that I cite would be the bathing scene, which I personally felt did not really add much importance to the plot nor characterization so it could have been left out.

But all in all, this has been a really excellent read. Kudos!

Really original story, definitly liked it. Amazing description and language. Characterisation was good, although I felt Raels character changed about half way through-intentional? Plz r/r my story if you have time :)