FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| helium lost 2006-04-03 ch 1,  | abuseGreat, unique idea; I never really thought very much about this before. :) You might be able to add more of an impact to the last paragraph by adding a small separation from the rest of the text to show how it breaks off from the narration of the brain. Well-written, though the structure is a bit repetitive in the beginning. Kudos on a good job :) - hl |
| Cynicalness 2006-03-23 ch 1, | abusewait, She was in an accident and she woke up Outside of her body? In a jar? as a brain? very weird.. |