FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| til-iburnout aka Amanda Hel... 2006-04-03 ch 1,   | I love the line "with cream and guilty pleasure". I love the overall rhythm of the poem. |
| classic violet 2006-04-03 ch 1, | love love love love love that last line. |
| Moondog Dozier 2006-03-26 ch 1, | Such fluidity to the words. The color of coffee brings a depth to this, as does "coffee colored eyes", remarkable. Vivid scene work. |
| laughter at the funeral 2006-03-26 ch 1, | i like the whole love-at-the-cafe thing...so cinematic..."with cream and guilty pleasure"...very nice...although i have a quite hard time figuring out the point of view...so you were a group? i thought of just two people at the beginning...i think that's more intimate... truly yours... |
| chaos called creation 2006-03-25 ch 1, | sigh, coffee colored eyes. |
| Aquafied 2006-03-25 ch 1, | (I knew he’d open the door for us)-gulible, but then again, such few people do that anymore seems to be a wonderful conotation |
| e a t i n g . f l o w e r s 2006-03-24 ch 1, | I loved the picture of this. I can totally imagine this scene. Great job and the last stanza ties it up very well. |
| coal and marigolds 2006-03-24 ch 1, | Very eloquent. |
| ode to a firefly 2006-03-24 ch 1, | M...coffee colored eyes. This is really pretty...you know, I know *exactly* how you feel. Trust me. However, you might want to be a bit more careful about what you post because, as beautiful as this poem is, you might end up regretting your words if the wrong person reads it. Just a warning... ^.^ ~Christine~ |
| boys kiss girls 2006-03-24 ch 1, | Oh my gosh, I just love this poem. it's the best poem i've ever read in my entire life, ever. I can only hope that my feeble existance will somehow be able to create a fraction of this masterpiece. you are an amazing writer. So yeah, it's good and...stuff. :) |
| youzi 2006-03-24 ch 1, | interesting use of parentheses with the bracketed portions of this piece...even though i'm not sure the brackets were all necessary, in the sense that the piece flows well even without the brackets. I liked the description of night-time air "walking up cold steps"...it seems very apt and quite mysterious. do keep writing :D |