 DarkAdonis255 2006-03-24 . chapter 1This poem does a fine job of describing what it is like to feel overrated by your partner. There are a few points of it, however, that could be improved.
First off, "So here me out, my little Matthew," should be "hear" instead of "here."
Secondly, I think a better simile could be used for strength. I, personally, do not think of strength when I look at the stars in the sky. I think more of freedom and such.
I think also you should elaborate the content of the second stanza more. Why do you feel lost? How does it make you feel that you lie about it? How does it make you feel that your partner refuses to see some of what you consider to be these flaws?
Consider my suggestions if you wish. Keep on writing. |