Reviews for The Roommate x closedfinishedediting X

Reviews For: The Roommate x closedfinishedediting X - Reviews: Page 1 of 7

bellevampire89 2006-10-27 ch 2,	I like where this is going... ;)
bellevampire89 2006-10-26 ch 1,	That was great! You should really continue "fixing it up." I'll help, if u want...let me know :)
Rei 2006-08-27 ch 15,	Interesting story overall. A few parts could be made a little more understandable, but with a round of editing (either by yourself or someone else, though having someone else edit it first, looking over it and making nessisary changes would probably be better) most of the problems with the clarity could be solved, as well as some of the grammer problems.
Rei 2006-08-27 ch 13,	The sudden bit about Marcus having been an undercover agent for the FBI when he was younger seems almost like you were trying to make him seem more like a hero. No offense, but that's just the way it seems to me.And just how old is Marcus? I would say he can't be too old if he's going to college, but I have people upwards of 60 in all of my college classes, so he could be any age, lol.
Rei 2006-08-27 ch 12,	Ok, now I'm really confused.In the beginning of this chapter Tom says: " That’s why I don’t want to have sex with you." Yet in the last chapter he was the one who wanted to while Marcus said he wasn't ready.Also, in chapter 9 Aaron gives Ryan Tom's number, yet how did he get it? Aaron gave Tom his number, but Tom didn't give Aaron his, and there's no mention on him calling Aaron.Ryan says that Aaron made contact with Tom, but the only time anything like that is mentioned was at the concert, or the phone call, which was Ryan himself, not Aaron. He also says he stole Aaron's phone and pretended to be him, yet, again, the only mention of anything like this was the one phone call, which Tom himself said was from Ryan.Tom should also be a bit surprised by the call, seeing as he didn't give the guy his number, also, seeing as Aaron's the one who gave him the number, why would he think that Ryan was calling him?Marcus mentions the band, saying: “Ryan, the drummerfrom that band you like?” acting like he doesn't know the band, yet in chapter 7 he states that he loves Fallin fire. (I suppose there isn't much wrong with this, but it just seems unlikely to me that he'd say that he loves them, and then turn around and act like that.)
Death'sBestFriend 2006-08-22 ch 9,	MORE SEX! please... not enough for my taste. and yes, hyper much
Death'sBestFriend 2006-08-22 ch 1,	wow, your talent amazes me. i expect a lot from yoai writing author, and you pulled it off. next time, please let them go all the way, or i might die! really good job thoiught
Pheo 2006-08-18 ch 15,	Aww the ending was sad. It was still a good story though =) awesome work~Lots of Love and Pain, Mezo~
Pheo 2006-08-18 ch 13,	Omg omg omg, what happens?? =O I must read on! Awesome chapter, great work =)~Lots of Love and Pain, Mezo~
Pheo 2006-08-18 ch 11,	Ohh this gets more interesting by the chapter! I'm loving it so far, keep up the awesome work every chapter was amazing! ~Lots of Love and Pain, Mezo~
Pheo 2006-08-17 ch 3,	I love that kind of music XD although I don't like pop but the rest of them are awesome! Screamo and emo are god Anyway, good chaper! =P~Lots of Love and Pain Mezo~
Pheo 2006-08-17 ch 2,	Oh nice for a second chapter. Short but god. Great work~Lots of Love and Pain Mezo~
Pheo 2006-08-17 ch 1,	Oh I like I like =P it's very good so far. Very naughty lolWell I shall be reading more! Great story!~Lots of Love and Pain Mezo~
Auroraborealisgrl 2006-08-14 ch 15,	No fair that's not a happy ending! T_T Good job. You kept me going till the end. I think a mafia action story could be interesting. I don't know. Something like a sequel or prequel or behind-the-scene-quil (haha Lion King 1/2)Dood I finally got my own Fictionpress story up and I need reviews to know how I'm doing so if you wouldn't mind terribly, I need a bit of publicity and it's hard getting off the ground XDWith all due respectA. Borealis
liquid-dreams-139 2006-08-14 ch 15,	aw man!! its done? done! and it ended in such a 'brutal and vicious' way! bad bad bad! its so sad! especially the whole marcus just watching thing! u making me cry!!a mafia action story huh?? sounds interesting...lol, and by the way, did you get the name karachi from pakistan? lol its a city there!! hehe anyways, see ya!!

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