Love the poem... both sad and deep it is everything i look for when i read poetry =)

This is awesome! For a first attempt, it's amazing and inspirational. Keep Writing!!

PS i added you to my favorites

I like this it has a great theme, but the lines 'never again would her lips He kiss'and 'As the world around him began to spin'.Well first line I think you need a coma or something after lips. Second line you shouldn't end with 'began to spin.'maybe it should be part of a different stanza

first i have to say that you write beautifuly and i hope that youre thinking of persuing(sp) a career in writting because if not youre cheating the world of one of its finest poets.

next i have to say that was one of my favorite poems and im adding it to my top favorites (as well as adding you)

also i have to say it reminded me of romeo and juliet, was that possibly the basis of your poem?

keep writting :)

I very much like this poem! While Im not a juge fan of sad things, Ive written some, and this is much better. The only thing I would suggest would to try to find a replacement for the first word of the poem. Maybe something like "heart in ruins, ill at ease, the star-crossed lover fell to his knees" or something that would set the flow that you chose for the rest of the passage. Of course, that is just personal preference. And frankly, I am extremely impressed with the poem as a whole. Maybe you could R&R some of mine, but if you dont, that's fine too. I just wanted to drop by and tell you thanks for the review and that I was deeply impressed with this poem.