Things I love about this:

The power, rhythm, and slam poetry feel to it.

The repetition in the single lines. Catchy.

How it undulates between loud and soft (or it seems to)

the comparitive language (metaphors and that)... especially "they'll just cut our wrists like / cheap coupons and say that death / was on sale today."

Clever use of parenthesis to give two meanings: "don't be(leave) me" and I LOVE "so stick me in your sl(u)t machine."

The first two lines, read aloud, don't make sense together (like there's a missing word), but I'm not sure if that was intentional or not. The beginning ("get your memories off...") and the end ("...** won't last") don't match up. But that's really my only crit, and if you meant it that way then never mind.

I really really like this piece. You've got talent. Keep at it.