|Reviews for The Waiting Room|
| Eire Rain 5/21/09 . chapter 1
Aw man what happened to your website? I wanted to re-read The Waiting Room :( Oh well, guess I will just have to wait (no pun intended lol)
| saraelle 3/17/09 . chapter 1
| Angel-Leigh Jones 12/5/08 . chapter 2
i read your full story this afternoon and i loved it. I don't think its craptistic at all but a master piece. To be honest it brought me to tears and i loved the way you ended it. I was sort of hoping that she was pregnant so that she had a piece of Josh. Great story.
I will read this version but will always love the other version. Hopefully you will finish this as well.
| MeLove 10/26/08 . chapter 13
Update? Any time soon?
| akaCHEEKS 7/24/08 . chapter 2
Have i mentioned that this story is written exceptionally well, that i swear to god it has to be from a real life experience. its just that good. the raw emotions are right there, typed on the screen. my gosh, your an awesome writer! by the way, i've been your fan since you started this story. still here! ) if it's ever published on book, i'll be the first one to buy it.
| katieee 5/10/08 . chapter 1
That chapter was so pretty, and this is the first time I've said something like that. :] I really loved it.
| Galiena Faehler 11/20/07 . chapter 1
... just a bit confused. I'm assuming this is a editing of the original? Because I remember reading this story about a year or two ago. I remember it was finished because I remember openly crying and calling my friend to tell her about the story...
| you're my cup of tea 10/11/07 . chapter 1
its cute. and i really enjoyed reading it
i don't get some of it, but overall really good.
| ess3sandra 9/12/07 . chapter 3
so josh is the guy an R the girl, but arent she a tad young?
| ess3sandra 9/12/07 . chapter 2
im not sure what this really is about.
| mimi 9/5/07 . chapter 13
hey! i just read "The Waiting Room" from your website.. not the one on fictionpress...
it's an awesome story! i wish it had a happier ending tho
it reminded me SO much of Tess of the D'Urbervilles! have you read that book? your story's kinda like Tess's in that, she's also SO afraid of telling her beloved about the dirty things in her past (Tess was raped and had a child who died too). and when she finally told him, he left her, but later on they reunite... if you haven't read the book, i totally recommend reading it! The love-story part of the book is so much like yours! i'm not gonna say much more here because i might spoil it for people hehe
| annicel 2/3/07 . chapter 13
I'm sure that this story is going to completely break my heart, but for some reason... I just can't stop reading. You're a genius. *applauds*
| annicel 2/3/07 . chapter 12
"The kisses were numerous and soft as if they were trying to taste every last fiber on each other’s lips. And then, as if finding the spot where their mouths blended perfectly, it grew intense and their lips parted slightly to deepen it. It slowed its pace for a moment as they shared each other’s shuddering breaths, both silently wishing to themselves that this moment could be bottled up and packaged… so that they may forever keep it sacred, untouchable and shared only by the two of them."
Don't worry, I don't want to correct your grammar/spelling or anything. lol I see you have someone with way too much time on their hands already doing that for you. I just wanted to let you know that the excerpt above is beautiful and poignant. I don't think I've ever seen a first kiss described as vividly or perfectly. Fantastic job so far, and I'll be waiting anxiously for an update. :o)
| swimchickslam 1/15/07 . chapter 13
Aw.. chemistry! :) Hope you update soon!
| The Breakdancing Ninja 12/14/06 . chapter 13
[Arianne followed suit. “Josh! I thought you were supposed to be giving her surfing tips, not a lesson in French!”] LOL I love Arianne. I also love how Brett doesn't try to get into Arianne's pants. I could imagine her to be quite attractive. I guess he's not ALL like Greg, after all!
[Arianne rolled her eyes and nudged Evelyn’s shoulder with a finger. “So…I want the details! Is he a good kisser?”] Probably a "So" with a question mark could have the same effect.
[“Must have been some kiss.” Arianne wrung out her hair. “And no…it’s not too soon, but…just don’t get hurt.”] A comma after "no" would work. And maybe one more dialogue in between "but" and "just don't get hurt". I could imagine she has some pretty serious gravity on a sentence like that.
[Evelyn sighed. “I know. I hope he doesn’t see me as some kind of a fling…so I guess I’ll just try to downplay my feelings. Right?”] maybe a dash instead of the ellipsis?
[Arianne nodded and then twisted her mouth. “You know when Cadance joked about me having sex with John to hold onto him?”] LOLOL Cadance WOULD.
[“Well…I guess I figured that the first time I had sex with a guy it would be the one I’d marry…you know?”] You could keep the first set of ellipsis, but the second sent, just use a comma.
[Evelyn sat up on her knees. “I’m hungry…what time is it?”] Period instead of ellipsis.
And I'm seriously starting to wonder what's going on between Arianne and John. I hope she talks about it before she leaves, or I'm going to go crazy!
[“Oh, come on…you’d think they’d be this lovey dovey if they hadn’t already kissed?”] -grumbles and gives Cadance money, too.- I think for extra oomf, you might want to change that ellipsis to a period.
I'm going to tear my hair out with all this ellipsis abuse, 24.
[Evelyn stopped walking and faced him. “No way…she must have been a serious girlfriend…unless…” Evelyn looked down and their hands. “You’re cheating on her?”] LOL Period after "No way" and a comma after "girlfriend", but the last ellipsis could stay.
[“Nah ah…” Evelyn shook her head and then bit her lip. “The way you kissed me today, I could’ve sworn you’ve had um…lots of practice.” She giggled.] Period after "Nah ah" and then, maybe a comma after "um"? No, that one, you could-well, a comma would be better. hahaha
[“Ugh…no. My first kiss was playing spin the bottle and I thought it was gross! I was kinda hanging out with this one guy before school got out, but every time he kissed me it was horrible. His teeth would like…dig into my lips.” She stuck her tongue in disgust.] *stuck her tongue OUT in disgust. Maybe a comma or a period after "Ugh" and a comma after "like".
[Josh’s laughed and then Evelyn watched his smile fade. He opened his mouth, but she answered his question before he even got a chance to utter it.] Dude, why would he wonder that sort of thing anyway? Evelyn is a classy lady, can't he tell?
Gawd, this lovey dovey couple. I want what they have. Even after four years with my fellow, we're still as juvenile as ever. I mean, the nice thing is if we have an intimate moment, it's like reliving the first one. But then it's just terrible that hugging and cuddling is like pulling teeth. It's more of my fault, though. I guess I'm still not used to the whole nice, loving gestures thing. If I love him more than usual, I sock him. LOL [He folded his arms across Evelyn’s upper body and brushed his cheek against hers. “So…when are you going to show me some of your dance moves?”] Period or comma after "So".
[“Ah…c’mon E, get your mind out of the gutter.”] Comma after "Ah".
[“Oh...now that was beautiful, E. Did you memorize that from a Hallmark card?”] Comma after "Oh". and LOL he's so mean.
-complains about all the ellipses abuse again.-
[“There is a correct amount of distance that needs to be maintained…Joshua.”] LOL I love it when people use each other's whole names. And now that I think of it, "E" is a hell of a lot more masculine than "Evie" coming out of Josh's mouth. And I think since you already have italics on "Joshua", you should just use a comma.
[“This is not the way they dance at my high school.” He laughed.] LOL I know!
[“Um…” He rubbed his hands together and watched other people milling about.] A period would look good after that "Um".
[They settled back onto the beach where they’d had their dance lesson, sitting down to face each other. “Well…It’s your birthday in a couple days so I made you something,” he said.] You could keep this ellipsis, but a comma could do the same job. -grumble, grumble.-
how sad! He just reminded her of the fatal day. DX Gawd, that really sucks-poor Josh and Evelyn.
[“I’m sorry…I wanted to draw something for you and Cadance said this was your favorite photograph…said you always looked at it...I had her sneak it to me so I could copy it.” He watched her avoid his gaze. “I just wanted to do something different—special…I guess…”] Arg, ellipses everywhere, here. Most of them are valid, because I understand-I guess the second to the last one-maybe a comma after "special", since he's saying it more in a hurry there. The other ones are like, stuck. Garg.
[He snorted. “Yeah…Picking out the perfect birthday present for my girlfriend.”] A period after "Yeah". There's a series of ellipses all OVER the place between this pasted excerpt and the last pasted excerpt. Why is it that once they get romantic, ellipses blossom all over the place!
[But it had been obvious from day one.] This sentence was key. The audience could feel it, and it wouldn't have been appropriate if this sentence weren't there. It lends to a completeness.
We still have yet for Josh to play his guitar. The things he's good at: 1) Being a good boyfriend, 2) surfing, 3) conversing, 4) dancing, 5) drawing, 6) playing the guitar, 7) and being a badass. If I knew this guy in real life, I'd break in half with the uberest hug in the world.
I feel so sorry for Evelyn, though. It's kind of like, fitting that when Josh first saw the photograph, that he thought it was her. It was just in passing, but I think it means a lot. I wonder if she's going to think about that some more later on?
I HAVE TO KEEP GOING BACK TO THAT ELLIPSES ABUSE. Wheny ou have time, please ease up more poor eyes, 24.
Okay, I'm done with that. These were pretty smooth chapters. I think as time progresses, they'll lose some of that nervous energy, and the story will naturally re-center itself on the whole group. I just miss Cadance and David and Samera and Lenny a little, is all. My favorite characters! And is the point of views that belong to Katherine and Mark gone, now? Or will they come back? Because I miss them a lot, too! It feels weird without them there, you know what I mean?
I'm going to keep track of a few things within the next few chapters, to see the progression. I won't talk about them right now, but I'll be looking at the chapters for a few slight things. Hopefully I'll remember to come back to them later in my reviews. Otherwise, I hope you're doing okay with your program, 24! Post more chapters when you have some time, and Godspeed on your exams.
Rock on, too!