Firstly, thanks for the reviews

I throughly enjoyed your writing, I have often shared that feeling and your poem made me feel it again. Good job!

excellent portraition of deep feelings. good work.

This is deep, but it was well written.

GREAT JOB!

~always TRINITY~

wow.. very sad and powerfully written piece.. great job

First of all, thank you for the reviews! They really meant a lot to me, though I do wish I knew how the ending of my one abstract was disappointing to you, so I'd know where to improve next time.. ^_^

Anyway, now I've come to return the favor and critique your poem! I must say, I do agree with Max on some of his points..but I hope I do not come off as being rude when I say this. Your poem does need a little work, not much, just a few tweaks here and there. I'm speaking from experience.. I'm still not much of a poet, but I used to write exactly like this. The lines are choppy and seem to disrupt the flow of the poem. Perhaps this was intended, if so, then ignore my advice. Rhyming in poetry is not a must, but it does aid in helping the words to flow better, as does re-formatting the lines. The long line/short line formatting, like I stated above, disrupts the flow.. perhaps combine the lines and form stanzas.. also work on imagery. You don't want to merely tell your reader how you feel, but *show* them..

Once again, I hope I did not come across as being rude. I'm simply just offering advice in return for some much needed criticism on my abstracts. This was not meant to offend, but to help.

Thank you for not missing the point of my essay. Since you invited me to flame you, I won't be too nice.

You're not as bad as some here. However, you missed a spot right at the beginning (seized my hopes/replaced IT--it's bad to make such a blatant mistake so early in a poem unless you mean it, which I don't think you did). Second, although your actual writing is decent, I don't like your structure. Structure in free verse is really a matter of personal preference, but yours looks shoddy--as though you just broke up stanzas into lines at random, instead of with meaning. I would alter your punctuation and structuring a bit so that the flow is smoother.

Lastly, this left me cold. It's not bad, but it's not at all good. It doesn't have any OOMPH to it. There are plenty of alright lines, but there are no GOOD lines, if you get what I'm saying. The message is trite, which isn't necessarily bad, but so is the execution. I would put some more effort into making your poetry striking--working on imagery is probably best, because this isn't really effective enough. All in all, it's a fairly boring poem, and desperately needs some spice.

--Max Krugman

Wow! Impressive! Truly amazing! Write on!

~Anna~