I like the way you started the story. Keep writing.

Insteresting Idea, I'm curious to see where you go with this, Though might I suggest putting titles at the top? You know "chapter one, chapter 2, etc".

Good descriptiveness...Though I'm totally shocked with you! One for writing something that's NOT poetry two, for being so cliche!I mean this has been done lots of times, ESPECIALLY the half breed bit!! Damn girl XD! You're supposedly originality Queen! There's more to this right? I hope to see something XD God now I sound like a novel critic...Heh, that's what you get for becoming a damn fanfic writer I guess!

I liked it i dont know y exactly but it reminds me sorta of...wel newayz it was good