Excellent story, excellent.There were two sentences that I would have merged, by the way: 'I curled in on myself. Pain overcoming me.' I would make it 'I curled in on myself, pain overcoming me.' and maybe a little more description like - 'I curled in on myself, divine pain overcoming my divine body in one divine, drowning wave.' or something of the sort. See what I mean? Some of the sentences are a bit short and spare, as well, especially in the paragraph of the sentences I cited.This made me cry. It is very well done, though I think it could use some beta-reader-polishing. Keep writing!-Rabid Bumblebee

alexander pope - if i'm not mistaken.