Reviews for The Wall - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The Wall - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

ANGEL992210 2007-04-07 ch 1,	abuseVERY GOOD
Skye 2006-12-27 ch 14, anon.	abuseIt is true that something is missing from your story, that I can't quite place my finger on. You might try to better explain each character in a way that makes them real, but that might not be it. You are a very good writer, much better than me. But there is something missing somewhere...
Luthien and Tari 2006-08-11 ch 28,	abuseI was mentioned! Yeah! Erm...I guess that...you killed them! :( That's just...sad. Well, at least they can be together in death. (that sounds so cliched and corny!) Truly, this was an awesome story!
Luthien and Tari 2006-08-11 ch 26,	abuseThe part that was particularly sad, although I found the whole thing rather melancholy, was: "‘Irony hates me,’ Denarius whispered, and there was an awkward, almost peaceful moment as he and Virilus looked across at each other. Cold grey eyes became child-like and wide, and a single good eye welled up. Virilus suddenly became all fury and rage again, running at his centurion and grabbing his shoulders, swinging him aside so that he tumbled helplessly down the stairs as the Roman soldiers were forced to retreat, surrendering the rampart and leaping down to fight in the courtyard. ...Denarius headed back to them and squeezed into the centre to growl commands and encouragement, and he could see on the rampart above him Virilus, saluting." I don't know, it was just sad and, to borrow Denarius's words, ironic. Please choose a happy end! I think a happy end would be where Virilus and Edana don't die, but I'm rooting for so many teams that I'm not really sure what a happy ending would be... but thanks for the update!
Luthien and Tari 2006-08-08 ch 25,	abuseThat was sad. More sadness.
Luthien and Tari 2006-08-08 ch 24,	abusei got the urge to do the James Bond theme song right here at the end. Ike--I'm looking forward to the ending and at the same time, really really really afraid to see what happens!
Luthien and Tari 2006-08-08 ch 23,	abuseNice speech! "I don’t care what little sack of ** signed you up, you’re wearing Roman armour." I even thought it was moving, and I'm not Roman!
Luthien and Tari 2006-08-08 ch 19,	abuseI'm still torn between cheering for the Romans or the Celts. You portray both so well!
Luthien and Tari 2006-08-08 ch 18,	abuseYou're back! You're alive! And so is Fergus. Good chapter--and I'm off to read the rest!
RedChild 2006-05-25 ch 1,	abuseLove it. It's good historical fiction. Update soon. :)
Luthien and Tari 2006-04-29 ch 17,	abuseAaw, poor hair. I'm so sorry! :'( lol I hate getting my haircut too, but, circumstances are just a bit different in my case, methinks! :D It sure took you long enough to update, but it was a good chapter. Still like Castus and Denarius. I find myself first rooting for the Picts and then the Romans. Ai! Now update sooner next time! Toodles
Luthien and Tari 2006-04-22 ch 16,	abuse:'( That sucks for them! Very very good chapter. You had a lot of imagery that really made the scene come alive. One sentence was a bit awkard: "He could hear faintly on the other side of the hill screams..." Something like "he could hear faint screams from the other side of the hill" might flow a bit better. So, you gonna let me read that other story? :D
Luthien and Tari 2006-04-20 ch 15, anon.	abuseYeah! I don't have to log in anymore! Lovely! lol That makes more sense now that you explained it. Thanks! 150 thousand? That's...big. Is it this, or is it a different story? If it is, you should post it on here! And they have cavalry. Good for them, bad for the picts. Ciao!!
Norseman056 2006-04-19 ch 2,	abuseIf I'm going to be completely honest, I think this chapter just doesn't strike the intended emotions. While it starts out well and you can see the anger between the two it almost takes a comical turn as he piles up wood, logs, tables, a kitchen sink, etc on top of her. I'm trying to picture in my head this man acting in the heat of anger, but instead he's carefully building a little funeral pile. I also think the lack of any internal emotions that we're given hurts this part as well. A snippet about what Fergus is thinking, why he reacted so harshly, and further support for why he constructed a small building on her before setting it on fire would go a long way into bringing this back to being a scene of terrible rage and not one of an almost humorous nature.
Norseman056 2006-04-19 ch 1,	abuseThe scene was fairly good. I liked the setting and the overall feeling you gave us, but there were two things I think could use a bit of re-working. The first is that Titus, in the first two times he speaks, 'grunts'. I don't know why, but when reading this the grunting back to back as it stands was a little awkward. The other thing which was a tad weird was the part where they hand the scroll back and forth. It just doesn't flow smoothly. Aside from that, however, I definitely thought this was a great beginning to what will hopefully be a great story!

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