"love him down to earth" perfect.

Hey Beti. Another awesome piece! I read this when you first posted it, and then read it again tonight. It seems like you've made some changes? It runs more smoothly than I recall it doing at first. Or maybe I just appreciate it more after musing over it a little bit.. I don't know :D

I like the first stanza, although I don't really get the opening two lines. Striking matches through a symphony. Does that mean finding sparks of inspiration as he hears the music, as he plays? Hmm, maybe it makes sense after all. Like how sometimes when you're playing an incredible song, it just clears away all the debris in your head and you're able to just think so clearly-- all the lights go on.

-but my calm snags on the echos of his certainty- I love that, too. It's like he soars into the melody and he knows exactly where he's going, and you want to just grab him by the hem of his jacket and tell him to wait for you to catch up-- to take you with him, or not to go at all.

The second verse was just so expressive. It's like she (you) love the music, but there's something in it that you don't trust, even resent; maybe the way the music can make someone's sadness seem beautiful, but after the song ends, everything goes back to just being sad. So you want to do away with it-- to get rid of the false hopes and highs, so there never will be an end, and you'll never have to come down, because you never had those aching hopes raised in the first place. Hehe yeah, when it comes to music I just go on and on and on, don't I... sorry... ahem, moving on... (can you tell I love music? can you tell I'm a particular fan of classical string music?? mhmm, I'm sure you can. lol)

I like the metaphors in the third stanza. The idea of Apollo defying flesh, like he's bigger than his body, bigger than his voice or hands. They say music is the language of the soul. Maybe that's why it's so universally understood-- and so magnificently overwhelming. I like the last part of the verse, too, where you don't notice his weaknessess and fragility, because you so need to rest on him and see him as immovable. Very idealistic, a little sad, and a little triumphant too.

-and his faults to fade / like puddle sin a classical sun- M, lovely.

I love the back-and-forth, torn feeling to this song. Loving seeing him fly with the music, but not wanting to let him go. Great, great poem, Beti. Thoroughly enjoyed :)

My gosh. you got me completely hooked from the first stanza to the last words. I can't even explain how beautiful this is

very cool.. i like it a lot

gorgeous.you can almost hear someone reading this out loud to you.

i love it.

Betina! This is Alice.

I feel kind of weird just writing a review, but it won't let me upload anything for 3 days, and I refuse to start homework. I also want to add you to favorite authors and it wouldn't let me do it the normal way.

I like the Apollo Venus Muse mythological imagery; I feel like you can play at it even more; it's awfully powerful. I thought it might be cool to start out with just Venus and then at the very end, the reader realizes that you're Venus. Just a thought. You could even evoke the whole Vulgan - Mars love triangle or play with both Venus and Apollo's mythology more.

The beginning is a bit random. Maybe not random, but I feel like it could cohere (sp?) to the rest of the poem. Also, maybe you could get rid of the I's at the end? Because just looking at it, all we see is I's, which draws our attention to you, not the puddles in a classical sun.

There are little things. Like "until this violinist" - I feel like you could say something more mythic to juxtapose with "only a boy." "Makes my muse dance" seems thin compared to "defies his flesh." And if you want to highlight the see in "she doesn't see the waiting" and "but he sees" with the "see" in the following four stanzas, you could do that too. For some reason, I thought "broken enchantment" instead of "faulty enchantment" but that's just me.

Who is this by the way?

O, and I love love love "peel them lovingly apart," "defies his flesh," "classical sun," "honey and air" and lots of everything.

I'm going to eat chocolate now.

Love,Alice

this is really pretty, betina...and i think i know what it's about =)my favorite lines are "I see lightning bolts/raining from a ceiling he has built from music" and "and i see his faults/fading like puddles in a classical sun". so gorgeous. i also really like "the venus in me" to "screeching at an empty hall." i really like this one! love

just peel them lovingly apart

favorite line! ^_^ I liked it. Very cool sounding.