Oh bittery sweet. A raw and exciting piece of writing. The words, the way the feel unfinished, dry, and cut fits this piece excellently. I am really getting into your work. Please continue with it, it's amazing.

“I get paid, the job gets done/Business as usual rain or shine/Yet somehow as I‘m beat down upon/By this downpour, I think more about/This ** job & the poor slob/Who’s about to get his” - I can’t ignore the aggression in this; it’s strong, it seethes. Yet, with the aggression being so high - I could tell throughout this that they did something very personal to you - there was still a level of calmness throughout. There was no reason to get flustered, it was a job and it would all turn out the way that it would turn out. I loved that “beat down upon by the downpour” I can just see the exhaustion of a man standing in the middle of the rain like that.

“Still I feel bad even remembrin that/She didn’t deserve it, neither did/The kid, but the message needed/Telling” Loved the message needed telling aspect of this; the deed could speak for itself but it was still a message to someone, however blunt and it has to be told to be understood.

This was very rough (not only in theme, but also in writing) I’m used to the more polished side of your work; but I think (especially for the theme) this style worked so much better in telling this story. Sometimes styles and perspectives take us on like hosts and we have nothing left to do but submit to them. Alas, the poor slaves called writers. I really enjoyed this, though it’s not one of your more stylish creations, it still had the power that comes from your writing. Amazing work.

I also have a new series of poems up entitled “The Mansion” that I would love your thoughts on. Keep up the good work.

Much love,Juliet.

not really used to that kind of language from you..anyhow I love the whoe rain/sun thing in realtion to your mind... great piece

It's has a very raw, rough feel to it that really suggests more to this story. I like the knife-blade edge of the words and unfinished feel to the lines; it's almost gentle, in a brutal, smooth, knife-sliding-across-skin kind of way."My gun blazes clear & sharp/Like a nightingale to my ears" - that line expresses so much. I think the ending was a little unexpected; I kind of expected him to win. I love the title - it's raining outside as I type, and that helped a lot with the feel of the poem. It's good. :)

Keep writing!

~Dying Rose~

PS - when are you going to update Torment 3?

Very good there's a sort of roughness to it which makes you feel more what the character's like.Well written and a good flow.