Reviews for Prophecy of a Hero

Reviews For: Prophecy of a Hero - Reviews: Page 1 of 5

Aine2009 2008-07-10 ch 25,	abuseI like it all...when are you goig to continue? Hopefully soon.
M.R.Sanner 2008-03-08 ch 1,	abuseI enjoyed reading this , it was a lot of fun . I love the dialog between the characters and I enjoy the part of the end when Darius asked the question . Even though this was tons of fun to read ( you have a great style ^__^) I would advise changing the whole Finishing school sort of thing ( though it's done extremely well ) because ,well, it's been done SO many times before . Yah know , the typical kind of bad manners girl does one last thing and gets expelled . Perhaps you could still sort of keep it the same but change it up , yah know ,add a different twist to it .Like , oh , secretly the entire school is trying to provide the next generation of evil do-ers (lol) . But hey that's just my opinion and I know my story is just as filled with cliches during the first ,oh, 6 chapters ( it's in need of a desperate rewrite) . But over all I enjoyed this chapter and will add it to my C2 . M.R.Sanner
Narc 2008-01-07 ch 1,	abuseThis is cute. I have to admit that I've probably read this same concept ten times on fictionpress. However, if you do it well, there's no reason that that should be a problem. After all, there's nothing out there that hasn't been done before. I liked the foreshadowing there with Darius. A few problems with your dialogue. The first one is punctuation. '"That's enough!" her teacher had finally found her tongue' 'Her' should be capitalized because it is a new sentence. It's correct not to when it's hte case of 'she said' where the speech itself is the object of the sentence. Adverbs to tag dialogue. They're not always bag, but any time you have one, I would reread the sentence and think very hard if it really needs it or not. I'd say half the time it doesn't, or can be told better in a different way other than the adverb. Good luck with this.
liminalzest 2008-01-03 ch 19,	abusenice story! alder's description was a little bit of a give away and somewhat cliched. otherwise, i like the suspense. i'm waiting to hear how darius figures in the prophecies.
Dancing In Magic 2007-08-06 ch 16,	abuseThis story is fasinating, very interesting. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I know it'll just as great, if not even more. Fantastic job!
Rachel M. T 2007-08-06 ch 16,	abuseFor those of you confused about where the new chapter is, I've added another chapter between what used to be 4 and 5. There is a new chapter 4! I suggest you check it out!
iglooey 2007-07-30 ch 15,	abuseGreat story so far. Love your original characters and interesting plot. Keep up the good work. :)
Carradine 2007-04-19 ch 1,	abuseYou're just totally not gonna correspond with me, aren't you?
HumanInfiltrator 2007-02-18 ch 14,	abuseOh! I love it. When can we have more?
Robin 2007-02-15 ch 1, anon.	abuse(Reviewed this story before...but it's obviously revised, so I have to re-review it under a different name) "But rather than find herself perplexed, she found it a complete bore" Shouldn't find be finding? "Do you have a question Elodie?" Should be: Do you have a question, Elodie? "her teacher posed" Don't need this. "brushed her raven colored hair out of her eyes, and putting her hands on her slender hips" We don't need to know this. It feels too much like an attempt at masking an information dump. Knock out 'raven-colored' and 'slender' and it'll be cool. "the pain of knowing she was about to get in trouble sounding in her voice" Doesn't match up with what she says next. If she's all sad about getting in trouble, she should reflect upon it as such. I'd delete this. "Her teacher’s jaw dropped. Elodie saw it as an opportunity, and she continued...splattering her face with ink." I think I said it before, but Elodie is painfully generic. I don't like her as a character at all, and I find her interactions with others really...flat...as well. "Elodie take this to the Headmaster’s office" Should be: "Elodie, take this to the Headmaster's office." The comma should be a period, the s in she after it should be capitalized. "she said monotonously, and getting up, she waddled into the back room" Make it: "she said monotonously, getting up and waddling into the back room." Better flow that way. "Yes ok" Yes, okay. "“This school is so dull,” she thought, “The walls are dull, the floor is dull, the teachers are dull, the students are dull…”" If the thoughts are italics, there's no need for the extra quotation marks. "Elodie looked over at him, and immediately understood why the secretary had been so content in looking at him" She didn't notice what he looked like the first time she "rudely" looked him "head-to-toe?" "If there were different kinds of heroes, then there wouldn’t be heroes at all!" That's an awfully close-minded view considering her previous anti-traditional actions, hmm? "I have given you many warnings, and more than your share of second chances. You will give no more problems to this school" If you go into another line while a person is still talking, you need a quotation mark at the beginning of the line. So it's like this: Tulio said, "We find the city of gold, we take the gold "And THEN go back to Spain." "“Elodie,” he said softly, “Would you believe me if I told you that you were born to be a hero?”" XP
Twenty-Six Colours 2007-02-14 ch 13,	abuseYes yes yes YES. Darius! And an almost-DariusSnog :) Aanndd a new character. very intriguing. probably my favorite lines of the chapter: “Who?” “The Prince.” Darius looked blankly at her. “As in the King’s son.” “Oh, him.” Darius = Love
Tavi-Rin 2007-02-07 ch 12, anon.	abuseOoh, what a fun chapter, Arik getting all romantic on her huh? BUT WHAT ABOUT DARIUS?! The beginning was very good, very human. As for Arik's story, you need some puncutational way to set it apart from the narration, otherwise it all looks the same and you can't tell what is story and what it real. Also the end tended to pick up speed. My guess is you were close to the end and wanted to get it done. Just be sure the voice is even throughout. :)
Tavi-Rin 2007-02-04 ch 11, anon.	abuseThanks so much for updating again!! An interesting chapter, went a little too fast I think. Where's Darius?! I miss him. ;)
Rachel M. T 2007-02-03 ch 11,	abuseSorry its been so long since an update! I've been VERY busy with school. Hopefully you all will forgive me for taking nearly 6 months.
AutumnRain16 2007-01-11 ch 2,	abuseSorry its taken so long for me to review again...I still really like this story. It actually does remind of my story as far as characters go, like you said. Anyway, I'm going to try and read more. I liked the dialogue and the chemistry between them. Just the way they interact so far, you know? Looking good so far...

Return to Top