This is quite lovely. Your imagery is excellent, and it fits together very well. I don't think it's inconsistent at all. Excellent work.

You -really- do not have a problem with descriptive style, okay? So I'm not going to even think about criticizing about your writing structure.

However, I'm sorry but I have to fight against the sentiment that suicide is okay, that's it's just okay to give up on life like that. Plus, I feel overall annoyed and can't help but think that Kaitlin and Brian are being overly dramatic.

I live in a third-world country. Everyday, I see people who struggle to live. Despite their dire situation - they have hope that things will improve and they continue on living.

I honestly have to pick hope over just giving up on life. I have to honestly say that the beggars and street children and the women with small children in their arms I see everyday begging for coin is far more inspiring than Brian or Kaitlin.

Brian really have such a problem with how insensitive the world is that he seem to completely forget that there many people who are fighting tooth and nail to change that situation. There are doctors and nurses who have given up their medical careers to go offer free medical care in Africa, for instance.

Sorry, but I really don't like hopeless stories like this. Beautifully written but a lot of 'lessons' it's trying to give to readers just doesn't sit right with me.

Okay. Here we go. Let's see if Captain can put her thoughts into a coherent fashion. First things first. This is a beautiful story, don't ever think otherwise.Now, onto my thoughts. I really liked how at the beginning, Brian's view on life leaned more towards a cynical view. I'm not sure if 'cynical' is the right word there..No, it's not. But I can't think of the right one, so it shall stay. His thoughts on things such as the 'Ten Items or Less' and the people in the cafe' were really interesting, and surprisingly humorous to read. Then, towards the end, his view darkened considerably and all the jests at other people were replaced. I really saw his character progress and I loved it. I liked the way you wrote Kaitlin's character, but I'm not sure if you meant for her to be cardboard or not. Even though you wrote in that she had changed after meeting Brian, I just never saw any progression on her part.

How Brian went home and completely demolished his people collection didn't fit very well, in my opinion. It is a great scene (or whatever you want to call it) but it didn't need to be there. I just didn't see what had prompted him to take such drastic measures at that point. Now, after the beach, I can see it happening, and I found myself placing the apartment bit in after the beach mentally. Overall, I loved it. The theme was nice, and I liked the ending. I especially liked the changes in Brian. Please ignore any horrible grammar or punctuation in this review. It's late...and frankly I'm not the best when it comes to grammar, but I'm trying. Thanks, by the way, for clearing up my capitalization errors. That really helps me a lot.

I like your style - it's gripping - but it's very tedious. I wanted it to stop, but it wouldn't let me go. I'm still trying to decide if that's that good thing or not. =)

Anyways, I think I've read this story before. I've got no idea why I never reviewed it, but here it is now, so, here goes.

I don't quite like Kaitlin. Your characters don't seem entirely real; they're more like people in a play. They aren't meant to be people, really, they feel like they're meant to play a role, but they did play that role well. Cependant, your supporting characters aren't quite as good at their job. The guy in the cafe - the dick - I've honestly never heard somebody act that way. It just struck me as very unrealistic and, while your story isn't exactly supposed to be realistic, he doesn't exactly play his role well, either. I think you could have found a better way to express the attention seeking thing.

Brian reminds me of Soaphead Church from the Bluest Eye near the end. People disgust him - but he loves Kaitlin, who we already know considered herself "nasty" in a way, or useless, like gum on a shoe, just as Soaphead Church is disgusted by the nastiness of people, yet loves little girls, and act which society considers nasty.

Wow. So incredibly human, so... real. I knew Brian was going to die after he watched her walk into the ocean (which was quite poetic, by the way). Tragic, but beautiful at the same time. And maybe not so sad. She was happy in death, and she made him happy, too.

I really liked this story! Although the epiphany cause from meeting Kaitlin after the cafe was a little bit of a stretch, I enjoyed the whole setup. I found the intro funny, but i still don't quite understand what collecting people means. Overall snaps for you: this was a cool story and unlike a lot of the really annoying stuff out there, it was original. ;)

That was a great story :D. I love the way you describe things - the ending and when Kaitlyn's walking into the water - my favorite parts because of the imagery. The people-watching concept was cool too, and I like that he burns the journals. The length is fine, I think. It's a one-shot so breaking it into separate chapters would chafe at the story's fluidity.

Nitpickery stuff, very minor proof-read things: 1)in the part about the Earl Grey kid, there is a lot of the word "anyway" 2)in the part when Dante's walking home in the rain, you used "chilled to the bone" twice close to each other

Hope that helps. I love your writing!