"...I saw two boys running through the boys down from their house." Something about that sentence seems not correct. Otherwise, the story is error free and awfully entertaining and well-written.

At one point you switched to present tense and broke the mood, but other than that, you created a very nice scene here. The fact that hte narrator actually began to cry seems a bit melodramatic, but other than that, I really like the mood of this piece. It's very still, I guess, and easy to read. Good job.