Damn.

K, first off: you're a MUCH better writer than I thought you would be. I know what you're thinking. How bad of a writer did I think you WERE? I thought you'd be kind of fangirly, like you are on MSN. I deserve to be SLAPPED for judgementalness. :/ 'Cause, damn... this is beautiful. The details swirl together like smoke; you don't have to know what it means to understand it, somewhere. It's deep. And I guess this is het or romance or whatever -- what IS it? -- but it doesn't matter, because it's the "deep" that got me. Tons of emotions that somehow don't overload you. Brilliant details that never cross the line of "a little too much", and somehow, somewhere, there's a mystery.

And I love the way that, even though this is third-person, the male character who you're following still seems to narrate. His emotions show through the 2D words-- he's thoughtful and wistful and a little emotionally scarred, and maybe, maybe just a little bit crazy.

(There was something else he remembered, but only later on, after the lights had gone and the metal bars have slid into their place with a loud clank.)

Quite possibly my favorite line. Bars? Prison? Is it in his head-- maybe something he's keeping from himself? Did she have him arrested? This is the kind of short story you could lose yourself in.

...ilu. :3

Excellent!