It was really hard to follow. I would think more carefully about the difference between descriptive words and allusion words, make sure that your word choices are what you want. It's interesting and I can't make much of a decision until I see the first chapter, since this seems like more or a prologue. What I mean is that I need to get a good idea of the storyline.

I hope i'm the first to review! If not, I'm sorry!

Anyways, I love your prelogue... it is veyr intruiging way to start and makes everyone to want to see her story.

The character somewhat reminds me of Darien from Sailor Moon , awesme charcater, in my opinion. I liked the first part the way way you started this chapter... ti shows a deep part of the charcaters personlity.

I can't wait to see how this person developes..

There are a few correction that needs to be corrected:

I woke from the deepest sleep that a person should ever have to endure, a comma, he explained that I had only been in a comma for about a month, but it felt as I was lost in a dark room with no openings. Not even a sign of life appeared in the room.

the part that needs to be corrected is the word 'comma' it hould be coma. Comma is what use in a sentence.

there is another correction:

Her weeping is soft and gental, but I can still hear it.

gental should be gentle

know she tries to hid her tears and act as if nothing is wrong with me.

hid should hide unless you wanted to say she his her emotions... but in don't think tahts what you were aiming for, right!

I think that was all for the corrections!

Anyways, veyr good start... update soon!