Reviews for The Midnight Globe

Reviews For: The Midnight Globe - Reviews: Page 1 of 5

diamond-dust08 2006-12-08 ch 3,	abusea long-overdue review. XD "but smile the smile of the sad." this was unnecessarily lengthened. why not say "smiled sadly"? "In a sense I’m positive of that". i admire your quality of prose, but the word 'positive' here seems really out-of-place, somewhat out of time. i can suggest using 'certain' instead to give an air of formality and in keeping with the rest of your English. "invite them all to diner". 'dinner'. "chased towards Miehl". why would he 'chase' Miehl when he was slumped on the ground? 'chase' is more like 'pursue', something where you run towards a moving target. Miehl was not moving. a fourth of the way down this chapter, i noticed that the word "trekker" has been used far too many times for comfort. why not use synonyms of this word instead, like 'ranger' or 'woodsman' or 'hunter' or even 'wanderer'? LOL. i really thought Miehl was dead. anyway, one of the rules... uhm, not really rules, but more like guidelines of a good fantasy story is not to revive a dead character, or at least, revive him only once but with really great reason. i just hope this 'reason' is enough. and oh, why do taverns always have curvaceous, flirting women in them? they're not brothels, are they? again, the 'bard' is overused, as with 'trekker'. even if it was, say, the name of their class in an RPG, this is a story, and you need to give spice on what you're calling them because it gets tiring really quick. unnecessary architectural description of the church. what purpose did all those descriptions serve? did it help the pace of the story? this was repeated further down when you described the interior of the church. also, Nieckas and Miehl finding a paladin, and even a friend of theirs, was very, very convenient to the story. it somehow departs from your usual pace, and gives a sort of "yeah right" reaction to the reader, like "just when you need it, the author gives it" thing. "left long aqua traces down her cheeks". good description; i like this one. "His hurt." 'he's hurt'. repeated on the next line of Cinaed's speech. "We need you help". 'your'. ... a very anticlimactic healing process. if it was that simple line, Nieckas should have healed him instead. there were no hand-gestures, no laying on of hands or any other fanciful device, no hidden prayer or some long-lost language, just that. while i recognize that it MAY be your idea of cutting right down to the healing itself, it seemed outrageous that such a simple procedure could INSTANTLY heal a wounded man that a paladin, traditionally having a healing power of a cleric, could not cure. and yes, even if his god is not a healer. i was wondering why the King, with an army and the map at his disposal, haven't taken the Midnight Globe yet. hmm. a fake map, huh... if Miehl died it would've been hilarious to die for a hoax. Cinaed and Miehl walking back to town. hmm. Cinaed was a deserter. Miehl was a wanted thief. how were they even able to buy their supplies? Rylothe did? Nieckas did? didn't those shopkeepers wonder why three people were purchasing supplies fit for five? "He’s very insisting". this should probably be 'insistent'. my thoughts on the chapter: judging from the quality of the first two installments, this came as a surprise, somewhat of a letdown. while most of the chapter was still written in the excellent quality i have expected of you, there were still parts in it that i thought were like black holes compared to the rest of the prose, something like a stylistic void where you could've done better in wording and phrasing. however, even with such, you've succeeded still in making an above-average update here that is only marred slightly by inconsistent quality throughout. the pace of the chapter so far was decidedly very convenient; as i've said before, events were very much constructed as a way for the author to bring these friends together as quick as possible. as a result, the pace took on a slightly rushed tone, analogous to a door-to-door salesman promoting a "get-rich-quick" networking method. examples of this were Nieckas finding Cinaed quickly as a paladin, the two finding Rylothe quickly again, Rylothe healing Miehl quickly YET again, and the four instantly making an impulsive decision to go get an artifact that others have died looking for. this is something that in real life people would rue making, but in this case, as they're the main characters, an author's connivance would surely make them either get the Globe, or fail but still get out alive in the end. anyway, still a good chapter, but of the three that i've read so far, this one is a tad disappointing. ~DD
Faeya 2006-11-29 ch 1,	abuseSaw your story recommended, and I'll definately read this in my spare time. Chapter one sets a nice overall mood and background for the story, and your style of writing is worship worthy. Off to chapter two!
Celtic Dancer 2006-11-13 ch 1,	abuseI am definitely liking this so far. If only I had time to read the rest right now! I will be back to continue reading; this is brilliant. -Erina :]
The-Almighty-A-chan 2006-11-03 ch 2,	abuseHello again! And I'm sorry for previous mix-ups, but I understand now! Thankies for clearing up those... ahem... misunderstandings. I tend to take things a bit seriously.^^ Well, anyhoo, here we go! Review for Chapter One of The Midnight Globe 1. Nice openeing. It has a well written clincher that makes the reader want to read more. ^^ 2. Okay, Tenth Paragraph, "The dark-brown eyes of the male focussed..." You spelled focused wrong. Honest mistake, but one nonetheless less. 3. Ah! The mage is Rylothe! I had a suspicion, but right before you revealed it, I threw the thought away. Now I feel stupid. T.T Wah. But I'll live. 4. Hm. I really like the name Olicia. But... she's married? Naughty, naughty Nieckas. ^^ 5. Oh... I sense some malice between Rylothe and Cinaed... interesting... 6. A spook story. I like the sound of that. ^^ I find it funny for some reason. 7. The poor guy on the horse... his wound seems painful. Well, I have finished the chapter! I saw focused mispelled again in the scene with Olicia, but, I don't remember quite where. Since I'm writing this during the lunch break at my school, I had no time to count papragraphs, but I'm sure you can find it! I liked this chapter a lot, though not really much happened until the end. But I guess you're just setting things up eh? So I can't really complain! I can't tell you when I'll be able to read the next chapter- it all depends on when my parents aren't home and I can sneak on, or if I can get on again during school (Being grounded sucks). Anyhoo, keep up the good work! Tootles, A-Chan (Jess) P.S. You get a piece of cake- your flavor of choice, baked by me. ^^
The-Almighty-A-chan 2006-11-02 ch 1,	abuseHello there! I would like to introduce myself as The Almighty A-Chan (Or Jess is fine). I was scrolling through the stories in the Fantasy section of and your story stood out! So I clicked on it, and voila, I am now reading it (and will review every chapter, I promise). To clear up some confusion, let me tell you how I reveiw. I am extremely critisizing and have this ability to point out every spelling and gramer mistake I see or disagree with... so please do not get offended by it! If you do, e-mail (address found in my profile) and I will apologize! ^~ I write these as I read the chapter- so the reveiw is more like my thoughts as I'm going along. This means, I might question something and then I will see that you have answered or resolved it by the end of the chapter... So don't get confused when I go 'What is this?' and you say, 'Well I answered that, why is she so confused?!'. On a last note, my reviews get really lengthy at times... So if they start to bother, tell me and I will shorten them! I just personally hate when a review says only, 'Great story. Keep it up and continue.' Well, enough drabble and on to the show. Review for Introduction of The Midnight Globe 1. Okay! I really like the way that you opened the story. You used lots of imagery and I have a pretty good mental image of what's going on (I think... ^^). But one thing- In the second paragraph, you write : "The town lay on the borders of Eldare Woods..." I think that gramtically, it should be 'the Eldare Woods'... I believe that it flows better. But it works fine if you want to keep it that way. 2. I will say again- I really like your style of writing. It reads very smooth and flows extremely well. 3. I like the way that Cinaed and Nieckas talk and the conversation they have. The fact that the latter was swayed by a woman tells that he has normal male hormones (with some fantasy stories, you never know...) 4. Okay, I'm liking the names of these characters. The hardest thing for me as a writer is coming up with place and character names. You seem to have that covered well... They are very creative names, but not too oddball that I look at them and think 'How the heck do I pronounce that?!' 5. Rylothe's father is the king? Wow... did NOT see that coming... but I'm glad that we already have a twist of somesort! ^~ 6. So... what I'm gathering is that he never knew his father, but his mother eventually told Rylothe about him, and he turned out to be the king, whom she never told had a son... right? Did that large run-on snetence make any sense? 7. It's nice to know that the king can protect himself, seeing as he's a mage. 8. Okay, I think I now know how old they are... Rylothe, Cinaed and Miehl are 18, but Nieckas is 12? I think? Hmm... naughty boy- he shouldn't be drinking. ^~ Well... at the end of the beginning, and I have one thing to say- I REALLY like it. Your style of writing is pleasing to the eye and nice to read, and your word choice and imagery is absolutely superb! I'm an instant fan. I will review once I read the next chapter- depending on when I can sneak on (I'm am currently grounded...) but I promise that I eventually will! Well, until next time! Tootles, A-Chan P.S. You get a donut (any flavor of your choice) and a bunch of Halloween candy for a job well done. ^^
Alteng 2006-10-27 ch 28,	abuseOkay, I have finally got to the end of the story. There are still many unanswered questions mucking about in my head. There wasn't much in the way of the explanation of the ghost that Miehl ran into early on. Then there was the elf that was following Cinaed around. Neickas also saw a seer, She said one of their numbers would die. Was that meant for Perron? But I thought it was meant for the original four, and everything turned out in the end. Even the quest that Neickas met to be was successfully concluded. I bet you didn't know I would remember all this (Muchless Perron's name!!). YOu also raise a mystery with little Charlie. Ah, who could his father be. I'm glad that Rylothe came back to them, but why did he leave the Sentinals. Was he fired, did he quit, or is he on call? This story does have a nice opening for sequels, if you ever intend to do one. Oh yeah, and what happened with Meihl's girlfriend, who was a prostitute?
Alteng 2006-10-26 ch 27,	abuseOkay, I can't believe that I have made it almost all the way through this story, and what a long journey it has been. There are still questions. I am still curious about the lurkers in the dark (I think that is a Lovecraft story . . . that or "Lurker at the Threshold"). Why did such things come upon them again in a different cave and darkness and Neickas' wound open again. Ah, is it not Neickas job to create a song about their adventures and whatnot, and that way the world will know of their deeds and whatnot. Cinaed said that he would not miss whoever Neickas was talking about, but it is hard to miss someone that you only know in passing, but I understand Neickas' feelings in as far as the bit about just talking to someone the day before, and now they are dead. It is a horrible sense of loss, even if you know the person only casually.
Alteng 2006-10-25 ch 26,	abuseI agree with what Rylothe did with the Midnight Globe. That is indeed too much power for one to hold, and to change the past to correct the evils of the present is wrong as well. There are many goods that come from folks ganging together to correct the wrongs. This Waenche fellow seems to be a forminable piece as well. Creatures of good natures usually don't envoke fear, but still it does what it needs to, and Waenche seems to be a straight up neutral type fellow, and indeed Rylothe is the only one that could complete this quest, and was not initially sure if he wanted to go, and this explains about why the map was in the King's possession, but never truly used. I am curious about several things, and I am certain that Rylothe will be explaining the answers in the next chapter.
Alteng 2006-10-23 ch 25,	abuseThis took a while to read because I kept on getting disturbed. Anyway, this is getting to be a messy battle. Did Rylothe and the others feel that they might well win this battle if the four of them stayed behind. If so, it seems to be such a sacrifice to lieave the sentinals to it. Poor Khaz! But that is the best way to kill a dwarf in battle. He wouldn't appreciate dying of old age. And Miehl has acquired that dwarven soul indeed! Best to go head on into battle and get it over with. The line about the music magic of Neickas was an interesting little piece to put into this battle. I like that. It is a different sort of attack.
diamond-dust08 2006-10-21 ch 2,	abuseyeah, i'm finally back to review this story. forgive me for only returning today. X_X nice name for necromancers and all servants of the night (as i take it): Bereaved. original. he saw a Forest Elf? i guess the Elves in this world are not the same as the Elves in other fantasy stories, who tend to blend well with their surroundings, especially in woodland. in a way, our Elves are a bit alike--mine is more martial, yours is as noisy as a man. anyway, back to the story. "his senses focussed". 'focused'. nya~ Cinaed is already a Paladin here. hot. i've always thought Paladins were the hottest class of knights in any fantasy setting--especially the corrupted or Dark Paladins. "of the male focussed". again, 'focused'. hmm. if you were to separate events from another, try to use the divider in FP's built-on document preview instead of italicizing the first few words of a different events. a dividing line is easier to spot, so we'd save precious time doubling back to see if it the succeeding paragraph is related to the previous. just an idea. "beard-covered cheek". why not "mutton chops" instead? this imagery gives me the idea that the green-robed person was an ape. "His beard was thin, long and covered most of his face, while much of his untied hair was in front of his face, which made his eyes all that could be seen of his face". spot the... um, not really an error, but close to it as far as high-quality fantasy storytelling goes. "face" is repeated twice in the same position as the first. while this may be used in some cases for literary effect, i can't see the effect here and instead gives a hilarious (and not in a good way) tone to this sentence. "Demons of Memory was". SV agreement error. 'demons' is plural. "This focussed his anger". thrice inside one chapter that it seemed it wasn't a typo after all. correct spelling is 'focused'; single S only. and yeah, if he was to go amok why would he even bother to remember--something he had tried to forget? lol. it's kinda pointless and stupid to remember what you don't want to remember. "Gaynor". lol reminds me of a funny GIF image where Boromir referred to Aragorn as "gaylord". nya~ so this is Rylothe, who had become a mage. this chapters seems to be an intro to the characters a few years after the first one. but what's the cross all about? do you mean to say that a cross is also a symbol of faith in this world? i understand the universality of cross as a symbol, but that of faith? "before the met in the crown". 'they'? your favorite word is "focussed", huh...? "something on you mind". 'your'? LOL, what an affair. a bard and a lady of obvious high birth. somehow, i envy bards... why do they always end up with beautiful ladies? "signalled". 'signaled'. "were bend on finding". 'were bent'. lol. you may call it divine providence or luck if you will, but Nieckas finding Rylothe as easily as if he had known where to find him all along is kinda... uh, a plot convenience, if you get my meaning. Rylothe's summoning of lightning seemed to be a fair distance from where Nieckas had lain with Olicia, judging from the way they looked at and referred to it, but we get to see Nieckas finding it in a span of one scene with no noticeable change in time. at least, try to give us a sense of the passage of time or space; not to say give us a definite count of how many steps or how many leaf-choked small brooks or how many dead limbs or whatnot Nieckas passed in that forest, just a "feel" that he had walked there, not "teleported" there. "how it is build". 'built'. "the cold surrender of day to night". very excellent imagery. well done. "the resent memories". i think you meant 'recent'. as is often the case with fire, spellcheck is not your friend. what with all these mention of "males" and "nay" and all those seemingly-archaic English words you would have thought this line "made the kids" would be better written. maybe replace 'kids' with 'children'. oh, so it was Miehl. hmm. character intros, yes, but not the sort i've expected, with it actually being focused on plot development that happened between Nieckas and Rylothe--first mention of Midnight Globe, though at first impression it kinda appears to be just any magical artifact. i hope to be proven otherwise in the next few chapters. as for the entirety of this second installment in this novel i think there were some things that deserve your attention. first, i know i've told you this before in my first review, but the prose was kinda heavy, and the details are so voluminous it was like to gag a casual reader (not bloody likely a hardcore fan, i suppose). while the good command of the language seemed to be the culprit, i think it's more like because your sentences were constructed all the same way, like "blah urgh. blah urgh. blah urgh" that it seemed we were repeating the same tone over and over again while reading. it's a bit dry and monotonous, no offense, and the details were so infused in the style that my heart was always in my mouth, you were teetering on the edge of making an omniscient observation of details! why is that bad? it's because /instead/ of letting a character central to the scene experience the details with his five senses (or six or more, in some cases), you opt to write a scene as if you were the one seeing it. and my reviewers always say, an omniscient narrative takes away the pace of the story, unnecessarily bogging it down when it could have been written in another prettier way. write in your character's perspective (not necessarily first-person, but you get my drift), but let a reader read as if he was an omniscient god or something. but for all that i can't take away from you the good interaction between characters. while i did have some minor problems with the pace, as i said before, the speeches were crafted finely, and i like how they respond. there were a few speech patterns here ("if you know my point" chief among them), but for all that, they were brilliantly done. good lore, very interesting world and geography, and nice characters; they seem to be becoming more real than on the first chapter that i last read, and i do hope they'd become more and more real. i can do with less "males" and "nay"s and "if you know my point"s though, but that could be just me. yeah, probably. i'll be reading the next chapter ASAP! ~DD
Bitter Irony 2006-10-19 ch 28,	abuseAw, nice fuzzy happy endings! I wonder what the boys were all upto in the time between this and the last chapter--and I'd like to know more about Miehl's foresight. :-) And these trolls. I'm sure they all have more adventures in store for them, these four. Okay, overall comments about the story: --The plot was great, complex, and well thought out, though sometimes the main quest seems lost beneath side trips. The side trips are great, but the main plot must be kept in perspective at all times! Also, it would make the ending better if we could actually see Rylothe destroying the Midnight Globe. --The characters are great, individual, and original. I'm finding it rather difficult to pick a favorite, though I'm leaning towards either Miehl or Rylothe. :-) --Description is great, though occasionally overlong/repetative. --The theme of rescuing a lost friendship is wonderful. :-) I can't wait to see some more of you stories! ~Bitter Irony
Bitter Irony 2006-10-19 ch 27,	abuseI don't have a whole lot to say about this chapter, aside from the fact that it was sad, in a good, moving, makes-you-think kind of way. It's a bit of a down note to (semi) end a story on, and I actually think that's kind of cool. It's also nice to see Dralath back. :-) ~Bitter Irony
Bitter Irony 2006-10-19 ch 26,	abuseI'm back! Cool chapter, but the biggest thing I have to say here is this: it wold have been really nice to actually see Rylothe destroying the Globe and Cane. I mean, the reader can pretty much piece together why everything happened at the time it did, but it would have been very cool to see how Rylothe destroyed them. Also, what happend to Waenche? One second he was there, and then he was gone. Finding the journal sounded a lot like the one the Fellowship found in the mines of Moria, and it didn't further the plot a whole lot--though at soon as I read that the Breaved wouldn't enter the cave, I got rather worried for Rylothe et al. :-) Nice tension on Nieckas's little run-in with the critters (unsure what to call them, but they are pretty cool). The blood and other details were nice touches. When Rylothe said, "Daeshu" I expected someone to say "Bless you!" :-) They sound like a cool race, or a cool creature, if Waenche is the only one still hanging around. He's a neat character, even if he's only in one chapter. ~Bitter Irony
Bitter Irony 2006-10-12 ch 25,	abuseI love Miehl's opening line. "It would seem they, too, like black." I got a wonderful mental image of him arranging his bandana and preening for an imaginary audience! It's good to be clear on battlefield descriptions, but (at the beginning especially) this chapter started sounding like a sports announcer. Especially with elements such as "80 feet"--how on earth could people being attacked pause to measure the distance between themselves and their enemies? And if the characters can't know it, it's probably best not to mention it. The moon elves have the coolest names. :-) I don't care if their evil, I love their names! Gasp! Khaz! No! Alas, poor dwarf, I knew him well. :-( Aw, nice to see Llestayn imparting fatherly wisdom to his son. Even if it is about something like not talking on the battlefield--I can't help thinking that Miehl and Nieckas are snickering about that. "Aw, does little Rylothe need his daddy to tell him how to fight?" But it's good to see some tactical smarts on Llestayn's part. No! Not Miriam! Alas, poor Miriam, I would have liked to know her better. :-( Too bad some of the potentially cool characters got knocked off before they could do a whole bunch. :-( But I can't wait to see the Midnight Globe itself, and see what Rylothe will decide to do with it. I hope he makes a good choice! ~Bitter Irony
Bitter Irony 2006-10-06 ch 24,	abuseLots of interesting ideas in this chapter. I especially enjoyed the guys' conversation on women! ;-) And I'm so happy Cinaed's back, I could do a little dance on top of my computer desk! Rylothe's father appeared a little suddenly, though--to be honest, I can't actually recall him being mentioned since the very beginning. It might be better if he had been brought up at least once, so the reader can recall instantly who he is and what he's done. Otherwise, we're stuck trying to figure out where we've heard of him before. This quest has turned out quite a bit bigger than four dudes looking for a pretty glass globe! ;-) Meddling with time does NOT sound like a good idea, hopefully Rylothe doesn't do anything stupid. ~Bitter Irony

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