Wow... I don't know what to say... the last line was awesome... just some suggestions though... "I would laugh, but only hear a --" - I think it would be better if you added an "a" at the end... also "Sitting clearly defenseless" - clear is an adjective and in this case you're using it as an adverb... nice job though... I like the ending best... I think I said that already... keep it up!

Well, m'dear... Wow.It was a weird poem, let me say.It's nice but... kind of hard to read, I guess. No rhythm, although I like poems with no rhythm. I just have to think about some lines after I read them and be like, 'Wait, what happened?'The Spanish-y line seems out of place. It makes my train of thought leave the poem.I really like the first part though. It's very pretty.'Having second thoughts twice?' Love that line. Maybe it'd be better if you didn't have the 'BAM' and instead, just end with the two dashes, an interruption. Know what I mean?I feel like I'm being mean. I hope I'm not. >< I'm not good, at all, at critiquing.DON'T HATE ME!! ;_;