Great beginning. Kudos.

Hee…I don’t think this story is stupid. In fact, I found it quite intriguing. You have a good way of writing this scene so that it actually feels tense. I think you managed this well because you used short, clipped sentences and fragments. I’m looking forward to reading more (when I have time!).

My only gripe so far is the way you describe his eye colour (yes, I know, very trivial). It’s just that, I don’t think the prince would be thinking about it being red, especially since he’s frantically trying to get away from his home. It really wouldn’t work here because your third-person narrative is very deeply immersed in the character’s mind. I hope that last bit made some sense.

Another nitpick: is there much magic holding either country together? I got the feeling that these two countries are incredibly close, and yet it seems to me that the ash and smoke and dust from the demon world never drifts over to obscure the sunlight of the Andras. Sorry. That was very picky, wasn’t it?

I liked this. And hey, years of toil just means that the idea matured and is now well thought-out. Good work!