"all i saw was the entrance at the morgue and how it went in circles"...that's really lovely...you did a really good job in this...

truly yours...

beautiful, wonderful job. so pretty. & kinda sad.

so painfully sad. made me want to cry. very well written and very inviting to readers. lovely write♥

There is so much concentration and intensity in this piece..

"even when i noticed the roadall I saw was the entranceat the morgue, and howit went in circles"this is a powerful way to start the poem .. it's so morbid, yet at the same time, there's just this sense of apathy or hopelessness about it.. i love the circles idea .. that feeling of trying so hard to get somewhere but finding that you always end up back where you began.

"you were the only one to say i wasgoing nowhere."i lovelovelove this line so much. once again, it's just that sense of failure, and lack of direction. it just suddenly gets more personal here with the use of 'you' .. i love the feeling of 'it's your fault I'm like this' that is developed here.

"and even with your colorred, passionate as youcould make it seem" i love how you chose a color that associates two very contrasting images. red is so passionate and seductive, but at the same time it is so violent and harsh .. it's such an uglybeautiful image.

"you saidi was yours too -but in a single word,i felt no expression,no expression."god, i just love this whole piece. i was drawn into it with the first line and I wasn't disappointed with the ending. in some poems, I find that the ending betrays the rest of the piece .. but this ending is an ending. it's perfect. the repetition emphasises the emotion.

This is just beautiful. It's going on faves.

I like it. I feel bad not leaving a good critique or anything constructive, but all I really have to say, is I like it.

somehow reminds me of a mcr song.

too easyor not easy enough?

i feel inuendos and i spelled that wrong, damn.

Nomsi, how come you write so beautifully & so emotively? All the underlying metaphors and play on words... I love how you say that red ("your" color) is passionate, but it can also be violent, and I think that has a lot to do with it. Methinks? Yepyep.

marie

PS: LOVE! BIATCH!