 Danica Blake 2006-07-08 . chapter 2 Hi there!
You have a very interesting start of a story here--but I must admit I'm having some problems following along with both plot and dialogue. On many instances it's difficult to tell who is speaking--this can be easily solved by starting a new line per person talking. Second, the first two chapters introduce us to several characters--in order to set them apart and associate them to their speech and places in the plot, you could add in some description as to who these people actually are.
I really am intrigued thus far, and I think you really could improve your story if you took into consideration those two constructive crits.
All the best on your writing!
Danica |
 CorruptGuardian 2006-05-01 . chapter 9Aw...Cliff's so cute...^ ^ Once again, brilliant story. Love the directness of it. Very, very nice. |
 BloodedBane 2006-05-01 . chapter 10Nice imagry, and plot, I like the way it doesn't get boring after so many chapters, though it would be cool to see how some other people are affected by all this. |
 CorruptGuardian 2006-04-29 . chapter 5This is a very intresting story. Well written and to the point...nice. Very nice. |
 CorruptGuardian 2006-04-29 . chapter 2Ah. Very intriguing chapter. It's rather short...but that's fine. It's quite to the point. Such an epic tale...very nice. |
 CorruptGuardian 2006-04-29 . chapter 1Intresting story. You've got some nice imagry there. It's a kind of short chapter, but all in all very good. I like it. |