I liked it actually, especially the beginging

In actuality, this piece has points that will intrigue most educated readers. The desperation of characters is a tool many writers use to provide readers with suspense. You’ve done very well to introduce three desperate characters in as few words as you have used. Heather is most obviously desperate from homelessness. The gentleman she called is desperate to be rid of her. Third, an unnamed man desperately needed to use the phone. With the state of the world as it is right now, people are becoming fascinated with studying what people will do when desperate. Most of America is in fear that something like a war will happen to make massive amounts of people desperate. Therefore, those people wish for the suspense that comes with seeing desperate people do their thing, the whole time knowing they can put the book down and the craziness goes away. It’s a good feeling, to be able to make the craziness go away. Yet I must admit, this piece is difficult to read. There are a few run on sentences. Yes, run on sentences do have the effect of making an idea seem to drag on. I would not call this work boring. It’s unpolished. There are some stylistic choices to consider.First, your point of view character is someone who obviously has issues/has been labeled a freak by society. In order for the reader to identify with that character, they need to know how she feels about that label. Does it hurt her, or does she just not give a care, or does she switch back and forth, or something else? The reader needs to see her emotionally react being called a freak on the phone before they can identify with her. Another option is that the writer place this scene somewhere in the middle, done after the reader will already feel sympathy to her, and understand her reaction of “Well that wasn’t nice.” If the reader can’t already tell that she’ll have no reaction, then she needs to have a reaction, I guess is what I’m trying to say. Just as an example, since we see her scream at innocent flowers, perhaps she can also scream something into the phone after the guy hangs up on her. Doesn’t have to be something that makes sense to the reader at first, just something to perk thier interest in your character’s actions. Even having her scream something as completely off the wall as “Onion Rings!” into the receiver will make the audience think “WTF, now I have to know why she said that…”Second, your word choices are wonderful. Your conjugation of the words could use work. Conjugation choices affect the crispness of the language. The more crisp the language, the higher the energy for the reader. A writer can take the same words seen here, put them in a different order with different conjugations, and come out with a completely different energy level for any given sentence. Also, crisp language requires one to cut any words or phrases that are not absolutely necessary. For example, instead of writing, “The cord became snagged on the huge diamond ring that decorated her finger, and she had a difficult time untangling herself from the cord’s hold,” an example would be “The huge diamond ring decorating her finger snagged the phone cord.” And also instead of saying “she had a difficult time,” one could use a concrete image to convey that she’s tangled. Perhaps a line about the phone cord hitting her in the face as she pulled her hand back to scratch her head, and a moment of frantic disorientation afterward. One thing to always keep in mind is tense. Gluing all words to one tense of another will keep the language clean. With this piece, I’m primarily seeing past tense. That tense should take over the whole work. Instead of verbs such as “Hoping,” “Began to itch,” “chasing” “Signaling” and “Ringing” you would replace them with “Hoped,” “Itched” “Chased” “Signaled” “Rang.” They are short words, good for reader’s short attention span.Also try to limit yourself to one adverb at a time. “Gingerly” and “Gently” in the same sentence together is a problem. Most readers will only remember the first adverb in the sentence anyhow. Example, “Mike quickly jumped the fence and deftly ran home.” Most readers after reading that sentence will still in their minds hear Mike’s swift footsteps, even though the word “deftly” implies without sound. They do this because the first adverb they see is “Quickly,” so all they see is that Mike is hauling **, and hauling ** tends to be noisy (screeching tires, quick heavy footsteps, ect.) Fixing those small problems will leave you with a decent story. You definitely have an interesting character to work with. But for now, focus on making your work easy to read. Don’t fall into the trap of stupefying/ dumbing down the work. It isn’t that people are too stupid to understand (but God it seems that way most times,) it is just that they’re lazy and wish for information to be process able without sentence analysis. (the run ons of which I speak; count the commas you have in each sentence. One sentence, I know you have five commas. That sentence and others must be broken down into individual ideas. People’s brains will automatically run them on together as being the same idea, the same scene, just so long as the units of ideas are easily manageable.) But as for the trap I spoke of, it’s when a writer tries to explain away something simple so the reader will understand. When that happens, the reader just goes “Well Duh. Next.” So don’t mince an idea for them, but do put separation between each individual idea. That sentence I critiques earlier was one. The huge diamond ring on her hand “decorating” it, and her being tangled in a phone cord, are different ideas. Instead of trying to merge them in one sentence, keep all the individual symbols separated. Diamond rings are important to people, and are an important symbol in any story. It is an idea that must stay separate. Otherwise, your reader misses the fact that she has a ring, and catches the fact that she’s a clutz. They are more likely to grasp both ideas if each idea is separate.And just me saying that is an example of what NOT to do, dumbing things down for a reader. You probably got it the first time I said ‘keep ideas separate.’ Okay, so, before I go, I must also complement you on setting and plot. Your settings are simple and to the point, and your plot flows beautifully. There was not a moment in the narrative where something important was not happening, so accusations of your writing being boring are unfounded from my perspective. Take care and good luck.

This dragged on and on. I didn't feel like it was getting anywhere, and from what I've heard from you, you don't feel like it's getting anywhere, either.

I'd keep these under wraps until you know where you're going with it. Right now, it's just boring people.

Well, I have no idea where this is going, but I adore the style and the characters. Luffly! I'll keep my eye on it - the is, if you're planning on more chapters?Kudos!