'not even the masochists find the gashes upon your ripped apart fresh attractive' wow. and i love the imagery you get when you wrote about drowning in your heart, 'blue as the eyes you want to drown yourself in...' and i loved the last part. it felt different from the first part, but i love 'i would wait until the smoke cleared' this is amazingly written. and the last line is a killer (hah, ironic) and you did a great job with this.