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| daughterofmusic 2008-01-19 ch 1, | abuseM. Very nice. This is beautiful, I love your descriptions and your similes. Keep it up! ~Daughter of Music |
| Morbane 2007-01-23 ch 1, | abuseI really wonder where you got this idea. I've just been reading some awful English-lit study guides in preparation for tutoring, and compared to how THEY tell innocent high-schoolers to use adjectives, this is such a nice change. I think the only word whose flow I don't approve is 'thrust'. I know you want something really alive and vivid and urgent there, but that sounds too violent, and like a hard object (stick? blade? spoon!) not air. Your drabble ends well too. :) |
| unapologetic 2007-01-02 ch 1, | abuseGreat description! I love how everything is so dynamic...This passage seems to be almost from part of a story (and would surely make a wonderful tale). I especially like the last sentence, which creates a sense of mystery. Your writing style is similar to mine, but more alive. That's what I love most about it^_^ I'm sorry to learn that you won't be writing on anymore. But good luck wherever your writing takes you! - unapologetic |
| Alankria 2006-09-30 ch 1, | abuseHello my dear. Long time no chat! I've been away from ficpress for a while, and it seems you have been too, which is a shame because I really want to know what happens next in 'Guardians'. Let me know what you're up to. This was an interesting drabble. Very powerful; it obviously came from the heart. Other than that weird American usage of 'fairly' in the line "he could fairly feel the summer wind rushing through his hair", I saw no typographical errors. I hope to see more of your writing soon! |
| Searon 2006-08-27 ch 1, | abuseShort, I liked it. Heya you should check out my short prelude to The Hunted and tell me wat ya think, it's the novel I'm currently working on. Keep up the good writing, and I'm looking forward to reading your longer novel when I find time =) |
| My New Pen Name 2006-05-19 ch 1, | abuseI think I like it, too. Primal. . . bestial. Interesting way of expressing feelings about singing. . . I personally don't sing, but I do paint, and some of the necessity of it and release I feel is similar to what you describe. Short and powerful.Great! : D |
| On My Way Out 2006-05-15 ch 1, anon. | abuseWonderful; loved the descriptions, seemsed so real, and I could picture everything in my mind. "Like some wild creature let forth from bondage, it hastened out, growing in strength and energy with each uplifted note." Oh wow, so beautiful, and the ending was great. I was sad that it was short (I wanted to read more, ha..), but then again, I could of liked the shortness. Not too wordy, and it's a good read. Excellent job!! |
| Captain Lucky 2006-05-15 ch 1, | abuseI really like this piece. It's one where you don't just see the character, but you feel them. Those seem to be pretty rare, so good job! |
| Joelle Duran 2006-05-01 ch 1, | abuseThis is quite evocative; I like the open ending. This is such a short piece I'd like to see the work 'throat' not used twice--perhaps 'mouth' for the first one? I also find 'brain' a bit jarringly 'science-feeling' in such a setting, but that could just be me. Love how you describe the wind. Delicious! Very nicely done all around--as ever, you excel with description. P.S. Thanks for the visit today--quite a pleasant surprise. Will certainly use your feedback--starting to feel I must have had a semicolon allergy going when I wrote that. ;) Thanks again! |
| Mikki Amboree 2006-05-01 ch 1, | abuse*tears in eyes* So. beautiful. Even after a long abscence, your writing skills still astound me. Most awesome. *thumbs up* Hee. ^_^ |
| rrmehta364 2006-05-01 ch 1, | abuse"It fled through his open throat, filling his lungs and refreshing his body like a draught of cold water after a long thirst." : Dunno, this is just a nitpick, but the word thirst just seemed a little funny to me. "His very muscles flexed in the excitement of the moment, and his heart pumped rapidly." : I thought the word pumped was a little awkward too. Wait, at the beginning it sounded like he was just beginning his song, while at the end he was finishing it. Well, you're descriptive abilities certainly haven't atrophied. I really thought this was a rather excellent drable. -peace out. |