|Reviews for Moon Chase|
| Isca 9/20/08 . chapter 1
What more can I say?
I've had experiences like that, and this poem was so enchanting and invigorating. I smiled and was close to tears half of the time while I was reading it-remembering my own precious moments with the moon or with nature, when like you said, "Everything good in the world is here." :)
| Asinine Epiphany 7/5/06 . chapter 1
This was much better then most of your earlier poems. You seem to be improving. A lot of that, though, is my affinity for metaphors/symbols so I might be a little biased against the earlier ones and biased for this one.
| The Libelist 5/9/06 . chapter 1
my-vision's right about the grammar, but I don't agree with the line changes. It's great. Leave it that way.
| my-vision 5/3/06 . chapter 1
First of all, the second line should begin with "You're" instead of "Your." In the line, "Unseen breezes sweeps you both," the correct conjugation of that verb would actually be "sweep."
"You laugh hysterically" doesn't quite fit into the mood of the poem because it seems a little immature and silly, as if you weren't running freely but with insanity. Also, the line "Everything good in the world is here" might be enhanced with the removal of "the world" and replacement of some other place, because you want this experience and dream to be unworldly. Maybe "Everything good ever dreamt" or something.
You might want to avoid describing the man's appearance at the end because that seems too explicit for the reader. There should be some dreaminess and uncertainty still left at the end of the poem, a mysticism - but you define it all.