Creepy.

The only problem that I have with this is that you make your characters sound so damn old! In the first chapter, I'm presuming that the child was what, four years old? He sounded twelve. The second chapter, he was ten - he sounded at least sixteen or seventeen. That's the only issue I had with it =/

Once again, flippin' awesome.

Adding to my C2

I'm at school, so I can't login. But This is your second story I've read so far, and I am AMAZED. You are a great writer. Everything is perfect. And horrifyingly realistic.

~Nait

Wow, that was weird. But it could so totally happen.. to a lesser extent, at least.. hmm. Good story! =)

Wow. I'm speechless. That was one of the best stories I have ever read in my entire life. The meek future you have created was amazingly realistic, something that almost feels as though it could happen with the world in it's current situations.

Your characters were great, your dialouge was intriguing, and your use of words was unmatched. This was truely a grand story, one that I will remember forever.

Bravo.

Also, if you could be so kind, could you read and review one of my stories. Preferably 'Espoir' or possibly 'Wrenches in the Gears.' Thanks a lot.

Once again, great story...

Wow. I'm kind of suprised that a someone who writes this stuff would actually like and review my poetry. Still, I'm glad you liked it. Also, I just put up another poem. It's the same style as 'no one ever told you no' which you seemed to like, except it has a subject that might appeal to you more. I don't know.

Now, focusing on this story, I really like it. I think it could get published. If not as a short story, than perhaps lengthen it and make it a novel. I'd bet you'd get a lot of money off of it.

Before you get all mad, what I'm about to say is not a complaint about your cussing. It's merely a statement. I'm just mildly suprised that a ten year old like me would cuss like that. It doesn't happen where I live. Of course, I'm lucky to not live in a trashy neighborhood or go to a bad school. So, yeah, I really shouldn't be talking. Just forget I ever said that.

I really like the ending. It kind of made me laugh. "...ask your mother." Hn. That's pretty funny.

Wow. This is completely entertaining in a very sick, twisted way. You are a true artist. I love Arsenic Kisses, too.

Wow, this is really quite an impressive work. I have to admitt that it is a little like "the matrix" or at least the whole idea behind it. I'm a little curious as to how wal mart started to take over the world along with machines. It's very descriptive, I can really picture what's going on here. I also thought that the perspectives were really good, especially from the point of view of the children, very realistic. While this was rather distirbingd, it was really facinating, and an excellant piece of writing. ~cady

Dude Awsomeness you told me about this a while ago and i just got to read it this summer Awsome truely awsome

I'm a little late, but great story. Aside from that is... If your not apart of Walmart then your its enemy... Armed men will be at your door step in 5 min...Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,... I have nothing else to say so.Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer

Tell your dad I said hi k...

Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer,

I loved it.

ALEX... you have done it again! how do you write so good? this story was fuckin awesome! i liked the story line because sometimes that's how i think the world would end up. i jsut never thought of it like this...alex, you are the best writer i have ever met. KEEP THE GOOD STUFF COMIN!

Dude, cool, but lay off the demented thought processes when a humanly sane person is talking. Also, the storie could have used an epilogue through one of the Wal-Mart humans that decides to overthrough the tyranny; the whole first paragraph of the epilogue I was stuck to the screen in expectation of an overthrough, or something, but the joke just ruined the ride. Other than that, excellent: you created another world, and helped to make it somewhat plausible.

awesome :)

totally interesting and the whole thing had me fascinated, and the ending made me laugh and kind of creeped out at the same time