FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| CitizenOfZozo 2006-05-10 ch 1,  | abuseInteresting beginning, though I found the events that happened a bit scattered. It seemed to switch from one major event to another very rapidly, which made it kind of hard to get into. Either more focus on one or two events at most or leaving most of what happened to background information you don't actually write would help this story flow better. Also, the small narrative from Aryck's point of view was a bit out of place. Well written enough otherwise. |