you should work on your stories a little bit more, (even if I do sound a bit harsh sometimes, I love reading them, don't stop writing)

I'd work on Eduardo's speech a little bit. (I mean his speech about his country, not the way he talks) don't be afraid to write some flowery stuff here and there if that's what the speech calls for.

Hm... the names of the countries sounded a bit childish to me. I'm not sure what age group you're working with as your audience, but with me (roughly 17) it seemed a little silly. How exactly do you pronouce anciento anyways? ane-chen-to ? hm...

I like lucy, in your prologue I got the names a bit mixed up (my own fault) and that left me wondering a bit.

The ancientos remind me of italians. (Just thought I'd let you know) Think of something cooler for the rebels though, (starwars stole it) Make them the Royal Nights of Love... (not) Think of something like The Weathermen (Who were they again... radical terrorist hippies?)

I feel horrible after I review your stuff, I'm sorry I'm mean to you. I'm just trying to help?

Nice things,EiB

Um... I'm going to write a real review after the next chapter, but didn't she say earlier that she was 19? why is she 15 in this chapter? that's weird that dye gave someone permanently blue hair... I was going to say "you need to think of something better" but I couldn't think of a better explanation either, so don't feel bad about that one.

:)

EiB