AWshum:3

There are some things that could be changed and it would definetly reach perfection if it were so! I could beta it for you if you want, but I don't think you need it. Just edit it a bit more!

One thing I could give you a notice about is though: "his amorous affectionate lips", take away either amorous or affectionate since they pretty much mean the same thing. Also there is a habit of the same words repeating a little too much.

It's very clear that you have incredible potential, so do write more!

I loved this piece ^^ Really cute XD

KAWAII! ahh i love your stories their so awesome, and this one is so sweet. ^_^ yay!