I read this poem valiantly not attempting to divine its meaning, to close my mind, so to speak, and be lulled by the rhythm. I was. I can't help but read poems simply to witness a synchronicity that authors rarely can make between both meaning and cadence - which, in my opinion, this poem for the most part did. So as I was saying ... the poem, I think, succeeded wonderfully in the area of rhythm, but the meaning was hindered by such cacophanies of imagery - light splayed soaked in downy field and then cyan tint magnetic glare, etc. It's a very high-quality poem; it only needs some balance and pacing. Adieu, Kat

It's overly extravagant, both in terms of language and sentence structure, resulting in a nice-sounding, overwritten clutter of impenetrable text. I'm not going to point out specific problems since almost all of it is incurably overwritten and affected.

You've certainly got an eye for dramatic pose. Next time, don't be so self-indulgent. You shouldn't espouse a fashionable style just for the status you think it confers on you.

whoa, it's really nice. _

-sarah

that last stanza just ...smacked me in the face. its a beautiful, tragic and moving image. its a truly terrific way to end a stunning poem . It reminds me of one of those songs you can't stop listening to...I don't know from like camera obscura or someone like that. Its perfect length, the images are clear and to the point which makes them all the more effective. they're unique and thought provoking. I love the colour theme, so bright and vibrant. this is beautiful, you are a genius.

"I’m lying upside down you know." there's something about this line i just love, love, love. great poem.

The language you use here is beautiful, especially the word "electrolyzed"!

By the way, about your review, I know that IQ tests are normalised, but surely with the advent of better food and better *cough* education, IQ scores ought to be going up?

And you're right about (ax)(ay)a(xy), I think that it was a typo, as I get those sorts of questions right in maths at school.

Added you to author alert.

Very fascinating and out-there imagery. I'm not sure I understand the exact, concrete concept of this, but I really enjoyed the subtle mood. Kind of confused, kind of apathetic and aloof, but very awesome.

marie

I like this; kind of different like noir meets structure. Or, ya know, something like that. I like "my ideal's been electrolyzed." Good stuff.

Oh! So cold and so robotic. "Pretty words dissolve in snow" is a good way to describe this poem. Not saying that it wasn't pretty, but it wasn't flowery and girly and roses and candles, it was "static" and "colbalt" and "phencyclidine" (I don't know what that is). This poem was all about the mood you created, which you summarized (in a good way) in the last stanza. Emotional in the way it ignores emotions.

Ha, I make no sense.