This is absolutely fantastic. There's a real sense of depth about the piece, which is something I nearly always find to be lacking in short stories, especially in those under 50 words. The main character feels developed, again difficult in something so short, and the whole thing just feels 'finished' in general, if you know what I mean.

The one criticism I have is that it would make it much more visually stimulating if you varied your punctuation a little more, but it's really only a small thing. It doesn't affect the actual quality of the writing - another thing I find here that's pleasantly unusual - but it's much easier to keep your eye trained on the words you're trying to read when there's somewhere to anchor them.

I can't say I'm familiar with the history here, so I can't comment on that at all, I'm afraid. I can, however, comment on the structure, and I especially like the "a.d. I Non. Sept." headings and such. Very nice touch, show's you've thought about it properly, even to somebody who has no idea whether what you're writing is a load of made-up twaddle. :D

Favourite lines/sections have to be:

"We are cornered in a cul-de-sac at the end of the valley we were traveling through. With nowhere for us to run, the enemy has set up their camp so that we are blocked in. The Lingones have also set up camp, getting rest while we can. Tomorrow we die."

"They say that the candle that burns twice as bright burns twice as fast, and I was burning brighter than any mortal ever could."

The first one in particular has such a wonderful sense of the inevitable doom they're facing, and the second just stands out.

~Phoenix

Interesting enough to read more but hm we'll see.

This was very good... it maintained the same tone very well and had just the right amount of repitition to drive the point home and still keep interest... It was so solemn and yet, in the end as he died I was reminded of so many great people who have been the shooting star to burn out but never be forgotten... Also the whole giant axe thing has always interested me since there are several accounts of giant axe like weapons being uncovered in ancient burial sites... I took Latin class for four years and was glad to see some familiar names and a familiar war... good stuff...

Thanks for the reviews Twin Death!^^ I really appreciate them^^

I fell in love with this story, because it is so well-written, and not only that, it is also extremely credible.I can't write a long review because I'm using the school computer but I really, really enjoyed your story^^

Hey that was pretty good. A bit fast paced and a bit of a quick change between "Iam not my fathers son" and "Iam my fathers son". But like I said good.

This piece has the potential to be amazing. However, there is not enough about him, practically no background history about his life, to pull the reader in to the character.

The description of his father was very good, and the insight that he had wanted to be like his father.

If it is possible to elaborate on Rextugenos without straying from historical, I think the story would benifit from it.

And, if you were keeping it historical and were limited as to what you could write about, then it is excellently done.

Thanks for your reviews and suggestions, they are much appreciated.

=D Maranwe Telrunya

(P.S. would you mind reading "Lily Payne"?)

hi TwinDeath, thanks for your review, it really helped. but if you can continue reading, it would make me really happy. XD

lol. i think i told you this before on the email, but the character's name is really familiar--as in really. LOL.

"The wraith are real!" plurality error. are there more of them, or just one? if more try "wraiths"; if only one, "the wraith is real".

so he died at last, with only nineteen other men... but how come had he written this while he was dying? it seems to me that someone had recorded his life and wrote it as if in his viewpoint... maybe Karl, his friend, himself? interesting, though.

i like the personality of this work, which uses the present tense and the first-person POV to dramatically highlight the personality of the story. not only that, but the grammar was superbly done, and the style was quite exquisite in your use of repetition; you have a good grasp of how to make your words flow engagingly. i can't find any fault in your execution; it's great and deserving of a whole round of applause, including your usage of Roman dates. this came at a time that i was researching about Roman military formations, and this story was pertinent to my reading.

good story--fluid style and powerful personality. one of the best historical accounts in Fiction Press that i have read. XD

~DD

Rextugenos is an ironic name for the character because it means "Son of Justice".

I really enjoyed this story: not only was it historically accurate, it was entertaining, and powerful. Amazing job, and keep up the good work!

~Bitter Irony

Wow that was amazing. I loved the end how he fufilled the legacy by dying and finally becoming his fathers son. That was great. Thanks for your review of my story too.

Nice story you have, glad I read it, thanks for telling me. Sequel wouldn't be a bad idea. Or something similar to it.

...wow, man. that's all i can say. the research and intricacy of this was beautiful, and the actions were so vibrant. i loved the repetition and the effect it gave, especially with all of his entries. it really created this drab sort of feeling. really really good, keep writing ((thanx for the review, by the by ^^))

~arisu

So, as you asked... (Thanks for your review, btw, again.)Very real, personal, and it's easy to imagine this person going through what he did. Kudos. :)

Mae

Latin?

This is excellent, and the best of your work that i have read. There is emotion, and blood and everything flows very nicely. The three days recorded have a pattern to them, which makes for a better read. Very very good.

Umm, I really don't know what to say, but it was a very interesting and well written story in my opinion.

MANOWAR!

Sweet man. Love the finale.