Wow, this is floded with EXCELLENT imagery. Great wording and emotion. I loved reading this.
I love the fact that you said "out hands mutated into one." At first I was a bit confused as to why you used "mutated" in that context, but then I read on to read "even your sentimental side was violent" and it all made sense.

This is great writing.

I would love opinions from a talented writer like yourself on my work, it would mean a lot to me!

hm. i think this is utterly sad: a total local disconnect from possibilities of infinity at hand.

This is so pretty.
"that night was unnatural, ruby-ravaged."
"even your sentimental/ side was violent."
There are so many lovely phrases and descriptions in this. It's exquisite. Wow.

Your grasp of imagery and its use borders on orgasmic. The second stanza in particular is bursting at the seams with feeling and beauty, quotable in that way that makes you want to shiver. I would offer helpful criticism, but all I can honestly say is keep up the most excellent work.

I absolutely adore the first two stanzas - the imagery is so grotesque and vivid and passionate...the rest is still good but I feel it loses the tension a little bit towards the end. 'Ruby-ravaged' sounds gorgeous. Love the image.

Wow, lovely. Awesome imagery. I like the line "hysterical in your tenderness." and the ending is great.

"even your sentimental side was violent" and "hysterical in your tenderness" are absolutely beautiful lines-great picture you paint here. love the dirt/light contrast. well done.

Beautiful as usual. I can't even pick a favorite line, I'd have to quote the whole thing. My new poem also has the word "stellar" in the title- yay for stars!

gorgeous piece, full of appropriate references and all that. but i find the shock value deteriorates in the second and third stanzas, although they develop well. only slightly edging into cliche and whatnot, and lovely ending.

brilliant ending. oh, god. i don't even know what to say...this is gorgeous.

"you seemed to fit against the rouge and black, a savage constellation with ruptured wings and skin instead of stars."

I liked that a lot.

This is very angry but quiet. Spiteful, biting, but still containing love. Even when we hate, we sometimes love.

Good writing.

There's a kind of poetic brutality here, and it makes bleeding beautiful. I like it. "The moon foamed that night." "Even your sentimental side was violent." "I felt astrological". And, most, most, most, "It was the only time you belonged in the heavens."

So detached and yet so passionate.

"dirty myth" - You would think you'd hear that line at some point, but you don't and then when you finally do it seems almost unique. No, really, even for its simplicity it is still pretty and perfect and something that has escaped the grasp of a-tipical-poem on this site.

Your referance to mythology is positivly SQUEE worthy, I swear.

Lovely, lovely.

~* Noelle

You're brilliant - You manipulate language so exquisitely. Love the mythology (of course). "even your sentimental/side was violent" and "a/savage constellation with ruptured wings/and skin instead of stars" particularly struck me. And "dirty myth", even in its simplicity.

Very nice, the imagery is amazing. I love the structure you used too, it really added to the effect.