Hey Kaytala - this was such an improvement over 'The Ship and Its Captain'. I was very pleasantly surprised. Your story telling abilities are definihtely improving. And good for you for being brave enough to post all that in one shot.

The only thing I would have liked to see (and you don't have to listen to me - you did a great job - this is just me flying into the realms of fantasy, so ignore me if you want). I would have liked to see Pax and Lita having a harder time getting to the ship - bad traffic - people going insane with panic. Pax should have had to hit a few people to insure that Lita got there safely. Then his lie should have been a bit better and what the guy he spoke to should have had a problem with an insane public, so he should have told Pax that they had some spare room but he'd have to help keep the insane public from going bonkers - riot gear and all. Wouldn't that have been ironic? So, Pax would have agreed, but he would have known that the guy was lying to him, and relayed the lie onto Lita. Imagine if Pax had been a bit beaten up when Lita said good-bye to him. Then later when she realized that he lied - his handsome, bruised, lying face would torture her forever. And there was no kiss! Why wasn't there a kiss? This is war time! People kiss - passionately - often, because they're so depressed and desperate that they need that sort of contact to stabilize them.

But still - you did a great job. I'm oober proud of you!

I've always been drawn to what I think of as "end of the world" fiction, I'm not really sure why, but it's intriguing (does that make me morbid?). Anyway, the nuclear war thing is what brought me to read this story, and I'm glad that I read it, as tragic as the story might be. I really like the tone of this story, how you captured Lita's naivity perfectly. And even though it has a sad ending, it's really the only ending there could be--you kow from the start Lita's gotta get on the ship and that Pax won't be able to. And I really like the very last scene where Pax is on a hilltop, sitting on the roof of his car and watching the bombs fall. And one of the things I really love is the timelessness of the story, how you don't really give away any specific pop culture details that stamp a time to it--except Starbucks, but Starbucks is like taking over the world; life will be wiped out by nuclear holocaust, and there will still be a Starbucks.

The only thing that I think could use a little more embellishment is when you switch over to Pax. I really think you could go a little weepier. The guys KNOWS that he's going to die. You say, ". . . because I knew she would be disappointed when she realized what I'd done." and I think maybe she'd be more than just disappointed, I think she'd be devastated.

Ultimately, though, really nice job.