FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| beatrice is hot 2006-08-09 ch 1,  | abuseThis was interesting.I have a bone to pick with you about this line: "Why does it feel like drowning?/When I'm trying not to breathe" I understand why you wrote it-it sounds like it SHOULD make sense, like it SHOULD fit-but it doesn't make as much sense as the rest of the song. You know? That's my only issue: this part, no matter how metaphorical, doesn't make sense. Why does it feel like drowning when you're trying not to breathe? because you can't breathe when you're drowning. I also thought the part where you listed, suicide, homocide, genocide, regicide was kind of silly, because in my mind genocide actually isn't the same concept at all as suicide and I don't think it relates to the rest of the song. Again, I can understand why you wrote it, but it doesn't make sense. Other than that, though, I thought this was great, it had a real musical flow/feel to it. |
| squeaky314 2006-05-27 ch 1, | abuseWow - beautiful descriptions...and big words! What's regicide? Gotta break out the dictionary for that one. It's very good overall. You have a nack for writing songs. |
| Made in Britain 2006-05-22 ch 1, | abuseNot bad! The last bit is ace, I actually sang it and it sounded all right. |
| Windup Hopping Lederhosen 2006-05-22 ch 1, | abuseIf you don't know anyone whose ever been suicidal, I guess you don't know me . . . I really like this song. We could use it for our band . . . lol . . . "Just the fifteen of us!" What's "regicide?" |
| TheNextLittleMermaid 2006-05-22 ch 1, | abuseOMG every time i read the chorus i got chills...GREAT WORK! suicide sucks! but erm...i once tried to comit suicide when i was eleven...i held my breathe and waited to die. just to see what heaven looked like because i wanted to know if god lookied like a lion. he he he...i know im weird. LOL. but then i got scared and was like "OH MY GOD WHEN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH YOU CANT BREATHE!" hey i was eleven...gimme a break. 0:)it's not like i claim to be smart anyway... um...RAVE THIS SUMMER AT HANNAFORDS! PARTAY TIME! :D |
| KingdomRain 2006-05-20 ch 1, | abusei liked it. i think it would be a kick ** song really! |