** cool. like really, really cool.

You could defintely add more, but if you were tired of working on it, this would be a good place to stop. This is half good to read aloud, half isn't. It rhymes really well and sounds great that way, but you run out of breathe after two lines and a half and it sounds weird when you have to take a breath in the wrong place like that.

Or maybe that's just me. 0.0

In any case, a great piece with, again, things that go perfectly together and wonderful metaphors (i.e. 'demon's spines tied into lines and lit on fire').

the rhythm of this is really fast paced and i really like all of the internal rhyming along with the rhetorical questions. overall it's very good, please do finish it.

That was really good, please finish it if it isn't now. I really want to see how it turns out. : )!