FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Mienaku 2007-04-28 ch 1,  | abuseWow. I don't know why but it made me sad. As if in those few words you expressed only despair and death. Does that makes sense? |
| bahaghari 2006-05-25 ch 1, | abuseThere's ALWAYS an interesting phrase in your poems that make me visualize poignant images, images that tickles the imagination, like this parched butterfly. But it's fragmented. I wouldn't say it's not connected, rather, the continuity is somewhat abrupted. Who wouldn't feel sympathy for a torched Earth? So the fingers kissing that parched butterfly is explainable... only, where did that butterfly came from? The butterfly must be living in that place where the wildfire took place, but how did it emerge in the story? That, that should be explained. If the concept is too vast for a haiku, don't force it there. Let the poem take you to where it want to fit. |
| steev 2006-05-23 ch 1, | abuseThe last line doesn't show a relationship between the first & second lines. Bad haiku. |