Reviews for This is the Way the World Ends

Reviews For: This is the Way the World Ends

Tragic Bliss 2006-06-04 ch 1,	abuseI like how you word this poem. Its refreshing to see a different type of writing. Instead of the same old stuff. So in all, very nice.-Blissful Pain.
Jay-Ling 2006-05-31 ch 1,	abuseThat's deep. Wow. I'm speechless.
abstractelysium 2006-05-27 ch 1,	abuseThere's a lot here, and it's gorgeous. I understand why you think it needs work, though. Strange, when you know something's not right but couldn't say how to fix it... curse of the poet, methinks. I'd just say take a line or two that you particularly like and remember exactly what you meant by it. Then write more around it. Let new meaning grow off the old but quality branches. Then tell me if this works, because I need to try it. abby
steev 2006-05-24 ch 1,	abuseThe epigraph is unnecessary- the Eliot allusion is fine with just the title; also, if you've got it in the epigraph, you've wasted the title. S2L7 goes along with this too. suggestions/other crap: S1-L1- remove "hopelessly"- the imagery already conveys this.L3- remove "hopelessly"- again, unnecessary.L5- "fragments of its being" is clumsy and needlessly ostentatious.L6- bad line break.L7- the lipstick/blood thing is cliched. S2-Too. Many. Full. Stops. Make this choppy and ugly.L6- "It" has no clear antecedent.L7- unnecessary with the epigraph/title- the huge bam! here is melodramatic.The last four lines are trite & cliched, along with being annoyingly broken (& introducing a mysterious "we"). Just toss 'em.
amillionlittlepieces 2006-05-24 ch 1,	abuseThis really expresses the emptyness a lot of us feel. Too true, though, is the fact that no one really cares any more. The world could end tommoroow, but what will you do about it?

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