Interesting, but a bit confusing too. I had to re-read the piece a few times to really grasp any sort of meaning. The flow seems a little bit rocky, but I think this could be a really great piece if you polished it up a bit. I especially liked the "Mourning the coming of the morning" part. Nicely done. Thanks for the review. :)

Okay, I understand that you really like to write stories, but for you, I think going out of your writing "comfort zone" will help you expand yourself as a writer. TwinDeath, you think a lot and you thik your stories through, however, with poetry you can just feel. The toughest desision though, is wheather or not you're going to put it out so that everyone can see your heart and maybe even your soul on paper. Just a friendly suggestion...

Oy! It's Jen... this is one of your late nights, isn't it? It's beautiful...( hope I spelled that right).

I didn't quite understand it, but it was still interesting. Confusing... what exactly are you talking about? Anyways... yea...

=D Maranwe Telrunya

Many lines in this poem would be clearer if you reworded or rearranged them. I can see you maybe wanted to emphasize a certian word or prahse, but it makes this particular piece muddled and confusing. This is a substantial foundation, however, and I would be excited to see the images and thoughts you could come up with on your own. If you try and untangle this, you will have a great start. Keep writing and best of luck to you, s.

Both are exemplary, as I have become accustomed to. :)

Mae